Bill Cosby Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, God, Hope

• Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

• Old is always fifteen years from now.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Birthday, Humor

  Bill Cosby (1987). “Time Flies”

• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Mom, Children

  Twitter post from Nov 02, 2009

• My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, “You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Father, Humor

  "Bill Cosby: Himself". Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. 1983.

• Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Humor, Civilization

• If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Dad

• Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Motivational, Family

  Twitter post from Jan 09, 2010

• The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Humor, Law

• Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Motivational, Health

  Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotations p. 139 Fred Metcalf. Penguin Books, London (2001)

• A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Life, Wise

  Twitter post from Oct 30, 2009

• Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Children, Humor

• It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Beautiful, Hair

• I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Uplifting, Memorial Day

• I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Humor, Race

• After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was "Don't."

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, God, Humorous

  Bill Cosby (2002). “Bill Cosby on Fatherhood”, p.38, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

• The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Humor, Trouble

  "Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids". Family, Animation, Comedy, 1972–1985.

• You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Dog, Humorous

  Bill Cosby (1987). “Time Flies”

• The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Relationship, Marriage

• A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Fathers Day, Children

  Bill Cosby (1987). “Fatherhood”, Berkley Publishing Group

• I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Anniversary, Jobs

• I am not afraid of crashing, my secret is . . . just before we hit the ground, I jump as high as I can.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Secret, Aviation

• Gray hair is God's graffiti.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, God, Humor

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Family, Children

  Bill Cosby (1987). “Fatherhood”, Berkley Publishing Group

• Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Humor, Beets

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