Frank Carson Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Men

  8 Copy quote

• I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Musician

  10 Copy quote

• Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Abortion

  5 Copy quote

• I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Swimming

  8 Copy quote

• Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Airports

  6 Copy quote

• A man walks into a pet shop and says: "Give me a wasp." The shopkeeper replies: "We don't sell wasps." He says: "There's one in the window."

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Men

  10 Copy quote

• My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Use

  5 Copy quote

• Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Car

  12 Copy quote

• I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: "We are two hours late Mr Carson." When I asked why, she said: "The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it."

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Two

  6 Copy quote

• Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Men

  5 Copy quote

• I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Night

  5 Copy quote

• I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.

  Frank Carson

  Feels Just, Yesterday, Years

  4 Copy quote

• Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.

  Frank Carson

  Two, Passing, Pubs

  4 Copy quote

• I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Doors

  9 Copy quote

• A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Men

  10 Copy quote

• I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Morning, Humor

  5 Copy quote

• People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.

  Frank Carson

  People, Church, Ridiculous

  "It's a cracker for Ukip as Frank Carson pledges support" by Henry McDonald, www.theguardian.com. February 8, 2011.

  5 Copy quote

• The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Men

  4 Copy quote

• An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says: "Is this some kind of a joke?"

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Bars

  5 Copy quote

• This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, News

  5 Copy quote

• It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.

  Frank Carson

  People, Laughing, Worry

  6 Copy quote

• The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Homeless

  6 Copy quote

• There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Humor, Night

  6 Copy quote

• My uncle Jimmy took liver salts twice a day for 40 years. He died on Sunday, was buried Wednesday and the following Friday they had to go to the cemetery to beat his liver to death with a stick.

  Frank Carson

  Funny, Friday, Uncles

  4 Copy quote

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