Cynthia Heimel Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• In New York we have streets exploding and innocent Buddhist girls being stabbed in the neck and cabdrivers refusing to help her. If we happen into a nightclub by mistake, when we leave the doorman will be lying in the street surrounded by police.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Funny, Girl, Buddhist

  Cynthia Heimel (2002). “If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?!”, p.41, Grove Press

  15 Copy quote

• [On peanut M&Ms:] It is the eggness of them. A shell, chocolate placenta, proteiny peanut baby. Life shape, birth shape, cell shape, protoplasmic-ooze shape. A shape that calls straight through civilization to our reptilian brains.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Baby, Food, Cells

  7 Copy quote

• Pity the poor infant. Born perfect into the world from imperfect parents.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Funny, Baby, Children

  16 Copy quote

• Wearing makeup is an apology for our actual faces.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Apology, Makeup, Cosmetics

  12 Copy quote

• The media know exactly what they're doing, focusing our attention on Arsenio's hairdo. We need to keep our brains brimming with rubbish. If we didn't, we might think about things.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Funny, Thinking, Media

  Cynthia Heimel (2002). “If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?!”, p.11, Grove Press

  12 Copy quote

• The country is suffering from musical-chairs syndrome. We all dance around for a bit and then when we try to sit down again, somebody doesn't have a chair. We're running scared; we want ours.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Running, Country, Musical

  Cynthia Heimel (1988). “But Enough about You”, Fireside

  7 Copy quote

• All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Funny, Dog, Silly

  9 Copy quote

• Dogs and humans are symbiotic species. We need each other.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Dog, Needs, We Need Each Other

  Cynthia Heimel (1995). “When Your Phone Doesn't Ring, It'll be Me”, p.36, Atlantic Monthly Press

  7 Copy quote

• A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Party, Verbs, Use

  Cynthia Heimel (1988). “But Enough about You”, Fireside

  20 Copy quote

• In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their pasta puttanesca. By the time the tiramisu arrives, they've slid under the table.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Funny, New York, Couple

  9 Copy quote

• The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Country, Real, Believe

  Cynthia Heimel (1994). “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Good-bye”

  18 Copy quote

• Los Angeles people are incapable of passively mainlining TV and movies. Here you have to read who produced or directed every episode, who wrote it, who had guests shots and whether you know them personally and if they like you. You have to figure out who everybody's agent is and whether yours is better. You not only know but deeply care about the difference between such job titles as Producer, Supervising Producer, and Executive Story Editor. ... So while the rest of the country is lying stupid in a media-induced coma, people in L.A. are in constant withdrawal.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Country, Jobs, Stupid

  Cynthia Heimel (2004). “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Good-bye”

  7 Copy quote

• Women are not ladies. The term connotates females who are simultaneously put on a pedestal and patronized.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Female, Pedestal, Term

  Cynthia Heimel (2004). “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Good-bye”

  8 Copy quote

• There is one thing that humans strive for with every cell, every gene, every nerve fiber of our beings. ... More than Mallomars, more than hot sex, we want to belong.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Sex, Cells, Groups

  Cynthia Heimel (2004). “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Good-bye”

  5 Copy quote

• Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Cutting, Law, Fantasy

  Cynthia Heimel (2002). “If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?!”, p.150, Grove Press

  5 Copy quote

• You know what we can be like: see a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says, 'I'd like you to meet Cecil,' we shout, 'You're late again with the child support!'

  Cynthia Heimel

  Cute, Children, Kids

  7 Copy quote

• Lots of you know me as a lone, hard-bitten columnist, prone to lurking on deserted rocky promontories while searching for my muse.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Muse, Columnists, Lone

  Cynthia Heimel (1995). “When Your Phone Doesn't Ring, It'll be Me”, p.27, Atlantic Monthly Press

  6 Copy quote

• When in doubt, make a fool of yourself.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Fools Day, Doubt, April Fools

  Cynthia Heimel (1988). “But Enough about You”, Fireside

  15 Copy quote

• Beware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Airplane, Men, Feet

  7 Copy quote

• it is a shoe designer's job to be a year ahead of our collective unconscious.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Jobs, Years, Collective Unconscious

  Cynthia Heimel (1994). “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Good-bye”

  6 Copy quote

• Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Cities, Shopping, Car

  Cynthia Heimel (1983). “Sex Tips For Girls: Lust, Love, and Romance from the Lives of Single Women”, p.182, Simon and Schuster

  7 Copy quote

• I remember the day we were hanging around the band's commune and Roger came in with the press kit for a rock band (Moby Grape) any of us had ever seen. It looked psychedelic, yet it was done by ad people. I believe the word "hype" was coined on that very day.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Humorous, Believe, Rocks

  Cynthia Heimel (2002). “If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?!”, p.187, Grove Press

  4 Copy quote

• Women wearing men's clothes are chic, men wearing women's clothes make us fall on the floor laughing.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Fall, Men, Clothes

  Cynthia Heimel (1995). “When Your Phone Doesn't Ring, It'll be Me”, p.104, Atlantic Monthly Press

  4 Copy quote

• Contrary to popular cable TV-induced opinion, aerobics have nothing to do with squeezing our body into hideous shiny Spandex, grinning like a deranged orangutan, and doing cretinous steps to debauched disco music.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Fitness, Disco Music, Cable Tv

  9 Copy quote

• The Pain-Free Shopping Method: Buy a present for you, then a present for a friend. Then another present for you. Then a present for a friend. Then two presents for you. Then a present for a friend. Then go home, get into bed, and pull up the covers.

  Cynthia Heimel

  Pain, Home, Shopping

  Cynthia Heimel (2004). “Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Good-bye”

  6 Copy quote

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