Alice Miller Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• Disrespect is the weapon of the weak

  Alice Miller

  Disrespect, Weapons, Weak

  Alice Miller (1997). “The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self”, p.74, Basic Books

  55 Copy quote

• The commandment to refrain from placing blame on our parents, deeply imprinted in us by our upbringing, skillfully performs the function of hiding essential truths from us.

  Alice Miller

  Truth, Parent, Essentials

  Alice Miller (2002). “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence”, p.61, Macmillan

  19 Copy quote

• Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. We can only repress them, delude ourselves, and deceive our bodies. The body sticks to the facts.

  Alice Miller

  Feelings, Body, Facts

  46 Copy quote

• The reason why parents mistreat their children has less to do with character and temperament than with the fact that they were mistreated themselves and were not permitted to defend themselves.

  Alice Miller

  Children, Character, Parent

  Alice Miller (2002). “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence”, p.105, Macmillan

  57 Copy quote

• The victimization of children is nowhere forbidden; what is forbidden is to write about it.

  Alice Miller

  Children, Writing, Child Abuse

  Alice Miller (1998). “Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child”, p.235, Macmillan

  76 Copy quote

• We don't yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation, if parents would respect them and take them seriously as people.

  Alice Miller

  Children, Growing Up, Learning

  Alice Miller (2002). “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence”, p.177, Macmillan

  42 Copy quote

• Child abuse is still sanctioned — indeed, held in high regard — in our society as long as it is defined as child-rearing. It is a tragic fact that parents beat their children in order to escape the emotions from how they were treated by their own parents.

  Alice Miller

  Children, Order, Long

  Alice Miller (1997). “The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self”, p.130, Basic Books

  64 Copy quote

• The attempt to be an ideal parent, that is, to behave correctly toward the child, to raise her correctly, not to give to little ortoo much, is in essence an attempt to be the ideal child--well behaved and dutiful--of one's own parents. But as a result of these efforts the needs of the child go unnoticed. I cannot listen to my child with empathy if I am inwardly preoccupied with being a good mother; I cannot be open to what she is telling me.

  Alice Miller

  Mother, Children, Essence

  16 Copy quote

• The free expression of resentment against one's parents represents a great opportunity. It provides access to one's true self, reactivates numbed feelings, opens the way for mourning and - with luck - reconciliation.

  Alice Miller

  Family, Opportunity, Self

  27 Copy quote

• Society chooses to disregard the mistreatment of children, judging it to be altogether normal because it is so commonplace.

  Alice Miller

  Children, Judging, Normal

  31 Copy quote

• Depression leads him close to his wounds, but only the mourning for what he has missed, missed at the crucial time, can lead to real healing.

  Alice Miller

  Real, Grief, Healing

  13 Copy quote

• Sadism is not an infectious disease that strikes a person all of a sudden. It has a long prehistory in childhood and always originates in the desperate fantasies of a child who is searching for a way out of a hopeless situation.

  Alice Miller

  Children, Long, Childhood

  Alice Miller (2002). “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence”, p.265, Macmillan

  79 Copy quote

• Children who are respected learn respect. Children who are cared for learn to care for those weaker than themselves. Children who are loved for what they are cannot learn intolerance. In an environment such as this, they will develop their own ideals, which can be nothing other than humane, since they grew out of the experience of love.

  Alice Miller

  Love, Respect, Children

  Alice Miller (1998). “Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child”, p.115, Farrar, Straus and Giroux

  15 Copy quote

• Problems cannot be solved with words, but only through experience.

  Alice Miller

  Experience, Problem

  Alice Miller (1997). “The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self”, p.104, Basic Books

  7 Copy quote

• Without realizing that the past is constantly determining their present actions, they avoid learning anything about their history. They continue to live in their repressed childhood situation, ignoring the fact that is no longer exists, continuing to fear and avoid dangers that, although once real, have not been real for a long time.

  Alice Miller

  Real, Past, Long

  Alice Miller (1997). “The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self”, p.2, Basic Books

  19 Copy quote

• It is very difficult for people to believe the simple fact that every persecutor was once a victim. Yet it should be very obvious that someone who was allowed to feel free and strong from childhood does not have the need to humiliate another person.

  Alice Miller

  Strong, Believe, Simple

  Alice Miller (2002). “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence”, p.249, Macmillan

  65 Copy quote

• Quite often I have been faced with people who were praised and admired for their talents and their achievements... According to prevailing attitudes, these people-the pride and joy of their parents-should have had a strong and stable sense of self-assurance. But the case is exactly the opposite... Whenever they suddenly get the feeling they have failed to live up to some ideal image or have not measured up to some standard, then they are plagued by anxiety or deep feelings of guilt and shame. What are the reasons for such disturbances in these competent, accomplished people?

  Alice Miller

  Strong, Attitude, Pride

  53 Copy quote

• Child abuse damages a person for life and that damage is in no way diminished by the ignorance of the perpetrator. It is only with the uncovering of the complete truth as it affects all those involved that a genuinely viable solution can be found to the dangers of child abuse.

  Alice Miller

  Children, Ignorance, Abuse

  Alice Miller (2012). “Banished Knowledge: Facing Childhood Injuries”, p.165, Anchor

  39 Copy quote

• The grandiose person is never really free; first because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self-respect is dependent on qualities, functions, and achievements that can suddenly fail.

  Alice Miller

  Self, Achievement, Quality

  Alice Miller (1997). “The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self”, p.36, Basic Books

  20 Copy quote

• Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.

  Alice Miller

  Forgiveness, Anger, Doe

  Alice Miller (2002). “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence”, p.248, Macmillan

  22 Copy quote

• The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember.

  Alice Miller

  Baby, Soul, Ignored

  Alice Miller (2012). “Banished Knowledge: Facing Childhood Injuries”, p.1, Anchor

  24 Copy quote

• We are still barely conscious of how harmful it is to treat children in a degrading manner. Treating them with respect and recognizing the consequences of their being humiliated are by no means intellectual matters; otherwise, their importance would long since have been generally recognized.

  Alice Miller

  Children, Mean, Long

  Alice Miller (2002). “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence”, p.177, Farrar, Straus and Giroux

  25 Copy quote

• The abused children are alone with their suffering, not only within the family, but also within themselves. They cannot crate a place in their own soul where they could cry their beart out.

  Alice Miller

  Children, Self Esteem, Soul

  26 Copy quote

• Genuine feelings are never the product of conscious effort. They are quite simply there, and they are there for a very good reason, even if that reason is not always apparent.

  Alice Miller

  Effort, Feelings, Reason

  Alice Miller (2006). “The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting”, p.20, W. W. Norton & Company

  9 Copy quote

• The truth about childhood, as many of us have had to endure it, is inconceivable, scandalous, painful. Not uncommonly, it is monstrous. Invariably, it is repressed. To be confronted with this truth all at once and to try to integrate it into our consciousness, however ardently we may wish it, is clearly impossible.

  Alice Miller

  Childhood, Wish, Trying

  Alice Miller (1991). “Breaking down the wall of silence: the liberating experience of facing painful truth”, Penguin Press HC, The

  26 Copy quote

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