Sarcastic One Liners Quotes

• Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

  Albert Einstein

  Inspirational, Witty, Way

  179 Copy quote

• I don't suffer from my insanity -- I enjoy every minute of it.

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Insanity, Suffering, Signatures

  26 Copy quote

• Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

  Brendan Gill

  Life, Motivational, Spiritual

  51 Copy quote

• If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Funny, Witty, Revenge

  Laurence J. Peter (1979). “Peter's people”, W. Morrow

  33 Copy quote

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• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  53 Copy quote

• I did not climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots.

  Ron White

  Bumper Sticker, Carrots, Chains

  56 Copy quote

• Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

  Oscar Levant

  Funny, Sarcastic, Loneliness

  36 Copy quote

• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Death

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.61, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  70 Copy quote

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• 

  If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  476 Copy quote

• Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Life, Sarcastic, Wisdom

  49 Copy quote

• Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

  Margaret Mead

  Inspirational, Funny, Inspiring

  265 Copy quote

• Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet

  Steve Valentine

  Stress, Wake Up, Realizing

  11 Copy quote

• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Time

  698 Copy quote

• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Happiness

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  661 Copy quote

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• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  Alan Dundes

  Inspirational, Funny, Christmas

  2243 Copy quote

• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Sarcastic, Sarcasm, Feelings

  21 Copy quote

• Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an ass.

  Stephen Hawking

  Jesus, Love You, Thinking

  13 Copy quote

• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  258 Copy quote

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  113 Copy quote

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• The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

  Albert Einstein

  Witty, Clever, Creativity

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

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• He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

  Winston Churchill

  Life, Humorous, Vices

  Sir Winston Churchill (1965). “The Churchill Wit”

  68 Copy quote

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• He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.

  Forrest Tucker

  Sarcastic, Nature, Sarcasm

  51 Copy quote

• No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Real

  10 Copy quote

• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  Steven Wright

  Depression, Sarcastic, Anger

  62 Copy quote

• He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic

  "The Works of Oscar Wilde".

  28 Copy quote

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