President Bush Quotes - Page 9

• President Bush insisted that there was nothing in the August 6th, 2001 briefing, which was titled 'Bin Laden determined to attack the United States', that hinted what bin Laden was up to. Bush says that he would have moved mountains to stop the attack. Yeah, but he draws the line at reading a memo.

  David Letterman

  Reading, August, President

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• President Bush says he is looking forward to the testimony of Condoleezza Rice. Yes, he is very excited about Condoleezza Rice's testimony before Congress. Well, it makes perfect sense - he wants to know what was going on, too.

  David Letterman

  Perfect, President, Want

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• President Bush says now he is sticking to his plan for handing over power to the Iraqis on June 30. It's also part of his plan to hand over power to John Kerry on January 20.

  David Letterman

  June, Hands, President

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• The other night, President Bush's press conference was pre-empted by 'American Idol.' You know the difference between President Bush and 'American Idol?' See, on 'American Idol,' the one with the most votes wins.

  Jay Leno

  Winning, Night, Idols

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• What really alarms me about President Bush's 'War on Terrorism' is the grammar. How do you wage war on an abstract noun? How is 'Terrorism' going to surrender? It's well known, in philological circles, that it's very hard for abstract nouns to surrender.

  Terry Jones

  War, Circles, Political

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• President Bush released his tax returns yesterday. He listed the economy as a liability. He gets to write that off.

  Jay Leno

  Writing, Yesterday, President

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• In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes ever.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Mistake, Night, Years

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• Newly released transcripts reveal that President Nixon was drunk during the Arab-Israeli crisis of 1973. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'Hey, so was I!'

  Conan O'Brien

  Drunk, President, Hey

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• President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend and you know what was really sad? It's a stationary bike.

  Jay Leno

  Weekend, President, Really Sad

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• President Bush announced he has a five-point strategy for getting out of Iraq. Points six through 10 will be handled by the Kerry administration.

  David Letterman

  Iraq, President, Administration

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• President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his bicycle. See, doesn't this make you miss President Clinton? That guy, he could ride anything without falling off.

  Jay Leno

  Couple, Fall, Texas

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• Former President Bush, to celebrate his 80th birthday, jumped out of an airplane. And if you've seen the polls, you know he's not the only Bush in freefall.

  David Letterman

  Airplane, President, Celebrate

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• As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.

  Craig Kilborn

  Summer, Nice, Reading

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• Is it me or is Bush going everywhere Kerry goes? So far in the past week, President Bush has followed John Kerry to Davenport, Iowa; New Mexico; Las Vegas; Los Angeles; and he follows him to Portland, Oregon. The only place he never followed John Kerry was Vietnam.

  Jay Leno

  Past, Vegas, Portland Oregon

  "Bush Goes Off Message". www.washingtonpost.com. August 13, 2004.

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  Show source

• Republicans are now saying that Dan Rather should lose his job because he misled the country with bogus information. Which is odd because the Democrats are saying the exact same thing about President Bush.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Jobs, President

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• According to CNN, Donald Rumsfeld said the war in Iraq did not go according to plan. And President Bush said, 'What? We had a plan?'

  Jay Leno

  War, Iraq, Cnn

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• In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it works there maybe we'll try it in New Orleans.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, Iraq, New Orleans

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• The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

  Craig Kilborn

  Hurt, Numbers, President

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• President Bush delivered a commencement speech at a university in Wisconsin. A very inspirational speech. Apparently Bush told the students, 'You can do anything in life if your parents work hard enough.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Hard Work, Parent, President

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• President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his services records thrown out.

  Jay Leno

  War, President, Defense

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• The L.A. Times reports that al Qaeda terrorists have been traced to Iran, and President Bush is talking tough. In fact he said he will attack the minute he has evidence his approval rating is under 45 percent.

  Jay Leno

  Approval Rating, Iran, Talking

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• It was a tough press conference for President Bush. He spent the first ten minutes trying to pronounce Fallujah. ... Bush insisted that Iraq is not Vietnam. Of course not, he avoided Vietnam.

  David Letterman

  Iraq, Trying, President

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• President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think about it. But President Bush, he doesn't do it for the money, he does it for the eight months of vacation every year.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, Thinking, Vacation

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• President Bush announced a billion dollar mission to the moon and Mars. He came up with a snappy new slogan - to drill where no man has drilled before.

  Craig Kilborn

  Moon, Men, President

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• President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's been drinking again.

  David Letterman

  Drinking, Mean, Moon

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