Marriage Humor Quotes - Page 2

• Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

  Phyllis Diller

  Inspirational, Birthday, Anniversary

  116 Copy quote

• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

  Sacha Guitry

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Book of Humorous Quotations" edited by Connie Robertson, (p. 83), 1998.

  79 Copy quote

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  If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

  Katharine Hepburn

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  64 Copy quote

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• I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

  Lyndon B. Johnson

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  120 Copy quote

• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints (1966)

  98 Copy quote

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• I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

  Sam Kinison

  Marriage, Wedding Anniversary, Years

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  100 Copy quote

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• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  112 Copy quote

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• Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

  H. L. Mencken

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  80 Copy quote

• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  Erma Bombeck

  Love, Marriage, Funny Relationship

  22 Copy quote

• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  H.L. Mencken “A little book in C major”, Рипол Классик

  26 Copy quote

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• Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?

  Barbra Streisand

  Inspirational, Funny, Success

  15 Copy quote

• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

  Henny Youngman

  Love, Anniversary, Marriage

  Forbes Magazine, Volume 166 (p. 156), 2000.

  75 Copy quote

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• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Relationship, Anniversary

  90 Copy quote

• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Family, Marriage, Funny Love

  Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1738

  42 Copy quote

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• A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.

  Elbert Hubbard

  Religious, Sex, Opposites

  Elbert Hubbard, Bert Hubbard (1923). “Selected writings of Elbert Hubbard: his mintage of wisdom, coined from a life of love, laughter and work”

  7 Copy quote

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• She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Yelling

  13 Copy quote

• Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

  Stephen Hawking

  Men, Things In Life, Bachelors

  49 Copy quote

• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

  34 Copy quote

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• Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

  Minnie Pearl

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  28 Copy quote

• A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Marriage, Funny Love, Men

  Ralph Waldo Emerson, Alfred R. Ferguson (1965). “Journals and Miscellaneous Notebooks of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Volume V: 1835-1838”, p.199, Harvard University Press

  22 Copy quote

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• A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  In Newsweek 28 Mar. 1960, p. 89

  178 Copy quote

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• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  Lana Turner

  Funny, Success, Hilarious

  1019 Copy quote

• Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

  Maryon Pearson

  Marriage, Sarcastic, Wedding

  49 Copy quote

• Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

  Ogden Nash

  Relationship, Marriage, Funny Birthday

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

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