Humorous Golf Quotes

• The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

  George Deukmejian

  Funny, Lying, Golf

  49 Copy quote

• It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

  Hank Aaron

  Funny, Sports, Baseball

  62 Copy quote

• Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Golf, Games

  Winston Churchill (2001). “The Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill”, Michael O'Mara Books

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

  Lee Trevino

  Dirty, Golf, Games

  Quoted in Scholastic Coach,'Coaches' Corner', Dec 1982.

  65 Copy quote

  Show source

• If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

  Sam Snead

  Sports, Golf, Knives

  37 Copy quote

• If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

  Jack Lemmon

  Sports, Dirty, Golf

  68 Copy quote

• If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hope, Inspirational Sports

  20 Copy quote

• They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.

  Gardner Dickinson

  Believe, Golf, Complicated

  9 Copy quote
• 

  I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

  Gerald R. Ford

  Funny, Sports, Golf

  8 Copy quote

• Swing hard in case you hit it.

  Dan Marino

  Golf, Swings, Inspirational Baseball

  21 Copy quote

• After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

  Chi Chi Rodriguez

  Dirty, Golf, Play

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  74 Copy quote

  Show source

• While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

  Henny Youngman

  Golf, Two, Balls

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  50 Copy quote

  Show source

• My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.

  George Robertson, Baron Robertson of Port Ellen

  Golf, Swings, Practice

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

  Jack Benny

  Beautiful, Sports, Golf

  36 Copy quote

• Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Golf, Long Walks, Two

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.265, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  9 Copy quote

  Show source

• Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.

  Jack Nicklaus

  Sports, Golf, Winning

  12 Copy quote

• The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.

  H. G. Wells

  Beauty, Golf, Men

  H. G. Wells (2015). “Delphi Complete Works of H. G. Wells”, p.4845, Delphi Classics

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.

  Ben Hogan

  Sports, Golf, Air

  12 Copy quote

• If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

  Lee Trevino

  Sports, Golf, Iron

  61 Copy quote

• You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

  Lee Trevino

  Sports, Husband, Golf

  75 Copy quote

• The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.

  Brian Weiss

  Golf, Long, Tree

  8 Copy quote

• These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

  Sam Snead

  Dirty, Golf, Gold

  14 Copy quote

• I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Golf, Play

  10 Copy quote

• I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

  Bob Hope

  Golf, Play, Age

  18 Copy quote

• I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Sports, Golf, Guitar

  Quoted in Colin Jarman The Guinness Dictionary of Sports Quotations (1990).

  8 Copy quote

  Show source