Hilarious Happy Birthday Quotes

May you live to be 100 and may the last voice you hear be mine.

Frank Sinatra

Happy Birthday, Music, Funny Birthday

74 Copy quote
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

Satchel Paige

Happy Birthday, Baseball, Fun

Quoted in Garson Kanin, It Takes a Long Time to Become Young (1978)

172 Copy quote

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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Mark Twain

Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

625 Copy quote
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Herbert V. Prochnow

Love, Funny, Relationship

Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

34 Copy quote

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Time and tide wait for no man.

Geoffrey Chaucer

Inspirational, Birthday, Time

85 Copy quote
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Lucille Ball

Happy Birthday, Beauty, Funny Birthday

181 Copy quote
The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

Robert Orben

Birthday, Funny Birthday, Funny Happy Birthday

19 Copy quote
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.

Germaine Greer

Life, Happy Birthday, Happiness

281 Copy quote
Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

Mary Schmich

Funny, Birthday, Knowledge

21 Copy quote
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Bob Hope

Funny, Happy Birthday, Humorous

Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

71 Copy quote

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Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Jack Benny

Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

New York Times, 1974.

56 Copy quote

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Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.

Robert Frost

Funny, Birthday, Time

13 Copy quote
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Gracie Allen

Funny Birthday, Funny Inspirational, Women

33 Copy quote
Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

C. E. M. Joad

Birthday, Wine, Turning 50

17 Copy quote
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

Robert Frost

Funny, Happy Birthday, Growing Up

141 Copy quote
There is still no cure for the common birthday.

John Glenn

Happy Birthday, Friends, Funny Birthday

"Ohio's Sen. Glenn Won't Run Again In 1998" by Candy Crowley, www.cnn.com.

90 Copy quote

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Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Pope John XXIII

Birthday, Drinking, Wine

116 Copy quote
You're birthday reminds me of the old Chinese scholar..... Yung No Mo

Dana Rosemary Scallon

Happy Birthday, Chinese, My Birthday

45 Copy quote
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

Jerry Seinfeld

Happy Birthday, Funny Birthday, Blow

15 Copy quote
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Will Rogers

Funny Happy Birthday, Waiting In Line, Getting Older

53 Copy quote
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

Erma Bombeck

Birthday, Marriage, Husband

Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.135, Open Road Media

9 Copy quote

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If you want to look young and thin on your birthday. Hang around a bunch of old fat people.

Anthony

Birthday, People, Looks

9 Copy quote
Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese

Luis Bunuel

Funny, Cheese Sandwiches, 50th Birthday

29 Copy quote
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Will Rogers

Birthday, Travel, Carpe Diem

52 Copy quote
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Arthur Schopenhauer

Birthday, Congratulations, Age

144 Copy quote