Golf Jokes Quotes

• The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.

  Billy Graham

  Sports, Prayer, Golf

  Billy Graham (2013). “Quotes from Billy Graham: A Legacy of Faith”, p.143, B&H Publishing Group

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• It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

  Hank Aaron

  Funny, Sports, Baseball

  62 Copy quote

• If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

  Lee Trevino

  Sports, Golf, Iron

  61 Copy quote

• Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

  John Updike

  Children, Dirty, Golf

  John Updike (2011). “Golf Dreams: Writings on Golf”, p.148, Random House

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• The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.

  H. G. Wells

  Beauty, Golf, Men

  H. G. Wells (2015). “Delphi Complete Works of H. G. Wells”, p.4845, Delphi Classics

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• Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

  William Wordsworth

  Sports, Retirement, Golf

  'The Prelude' (1850) bk. 4, l. 376

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• If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

  Bob Hope

  Dirty, Golf, Play

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• If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

  Jack Lemmon

  Sports, Dirty, Golf

  68 Copy quote

• If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hope, Inspirational Sports

  20 Copy quote

• The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

  Phyllis Diller

  Retirement, Real, Golf

  16 Copy quote

• You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

  Lee Trevino

  Sports, Husband, Golf

  75 Copy quote

• Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

  Bob Hope

  Funny, Hope, Golf

  48 Copy quote

• Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.

  Jack Nicklaus

  Sports, Golf, Winning

  12 Copy quote

• Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.

  Jimmy Demaret

  Sex, Golf, Enjoy

  25 Copy quote

• Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

  Jim Bishop

  Funny, Retirement, Native American

  14 Copy quote

• It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sports, Inspiration

  74 Copy quote

• The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

  Chi Chi Rodriguez

  Dirty, Golf, Gold

  42 Copy quote

• The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

  Confucius

  Distance, Golf, Two

  12 Copy quote

• My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.

  George Robertson, Baron Robertson of Port Ellen

  Golf, Swings, Practice

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.

  John Updike

  Golf, Swings, Trying

  John Updike (2009). “More Matter: Essays and Criticism”, p.124, Random House

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• The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.

  Brian Weiss

  Golf, Long, Tree

  8 Copy quote

• Playing golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

  Winston Churchill

  Golf, Pills, Cows

  Winston Churchill (1987). “The Irrepressible Churchill: Stories, Sayings and Impressions of Sir Winston Churchill”, London : Robson Books

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• There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands; how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

  Tom Mulligan

  Golf, Hands, Two

  7 Copy quote

• Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

  Henry Beard

  Golf, Nonchalant

  9 Copy quote

• Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

  Bruce Lansky

  Golf, Talking, Balls

  Bruce Lansky (2011). “Golf, It's Just a Game: The Best Quotes & Cartoons About Golf”, p.81, Simon and Schuster

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