Golf Jokes Quotes - Page 2

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

Bob Hope

Sports, Golf, Player

10 Copy quote
Swing hard in case you hit it.

Dan Marino

Golf, Swings, Inspirational Baseball

21 Copy quote
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.

Kevin Costner

Funny, Sex, Humor

37 Copy quote
In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base.

Ken Harrelson

Leadership, Baseball, Running

14 Copy quote
There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.

Ben Hogan

Sports, Golf, Air

12 Copy quote
They throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it.

Tommy Bolt

Distance, Golf, Clubs

7 Copy quote
The most important shot in golf is the next one.

Ben Hogan

Golf, Important, The Next One

66 Copy quote
I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf, Three, Fear Of Death

20 Copy quote
One thing about golf is you don't know why you play bad and why you play good.

George Archer

Golf, Play, Funny Golf

9 Copy quote
I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.

Ben Crenshaw

Distance, Golf, Ears

52 Copy quote
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

Henny Youngman

Golf, Two, Balls

"Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

50 Copy quote

Show source
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.

Gerald R. Ford

Funny, Sports, Golf

8 Copy quote
Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

Bob Hope

Hope, Golf, Games

12 Copy quote
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

Harry Vardon

Funny, Retirement, Golf

41 Copy quote
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

Sam Snead

Sports, Golf, Knives

37 Copy quote
The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf, Bags, Woods

8 Copy quote
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.

Pete Dye

Funny, Golf, Play

53 Copy quote
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

Dean Martin

Retirement, Drinking, Book

"Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

147 Copy quote

Show source
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

Henry Beard

Golf, Two, Water

7 Copy quote
It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

Robert Wilson Lynd

Sports, Golf, World

10 Copy quote
They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. It's more complicated than that.

Gardner Dickinson

Believe, Golf, Complicated

9 Copy quote
I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.

Gerald R. Ford

Dirty, Golf, Eagles

10 Copy quote
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.

Sam Snead

Dirty, Golf, Gold

14 Copy quote
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.

Lee Trevino

Dirty, Golf, Gold

15 Copy quote
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Dirty, Golf, Play

Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

74 Copy quote

Show source