Funny Political Quotes

• Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Change, Politics

  1913 Copy quote

• If you can't convince them, confuse them.

  Harry S. Truman

  Witty, Business, Silly

  Harry S. Truman, Steve Neal (2003). “Miracle of Forty-eight”, p.139, SIU Press

  45 Copy quote

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• The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Business, Military

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  220 Copy quote

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• Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

  Oscar Ameringer

  Life, Witty, Art

  71 Copy quote

• Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Life, Change

  Will Rogers, Bryan B. Sterling (1988). “The Will Rogers scrapbook”, Random House Value Publishing

  114 Copy quote

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• One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

  Plato

  Plato, War, Government

  290 Copy quote
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  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  Groucho Marx

  Art, Freedom, Political Will

  231 Copy quote

• We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

  Aesop

  Witty, Government, Political Will

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  116 Copy quote

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• Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  Quoted in Albert B. Paine, Mark Twain: A Biography (1912)

  542 Copy quote

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• A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Humorous, Next Week

  In B. Adler Churchill Wit (1965) p. 4

  89 Copy quote

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• In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.

  Len Deighton

  Funny, Air, Lenses

  104 Copy quote

• I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Sarcastic, Running

  443 Copy quote

• You can't say 'I don't do politics,' because silence is a political statement.

  Tariq Ramadan

  Silence, Political, Statements

  27 Copy quote

• Some men change their party for the sake of their principles; others their principles for the sake of their party

  Winston Churchill

  Leadership, Witty, Party

  Winston Churchill (2001). “The Wicked Wit of Winston Churchill”, Michael O'Mara Books

  94 Copy quote

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  If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand.

  Milton Friedman

  Government, Years, Political

  170 Copy quote

• It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Hilarious, Military

  84 Copy quote

• Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

  Doug Larson

  Change, Keys, Cities

  76 Copy quote

• Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Inspirational, Funny, Money

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.24, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  122 Copy quote

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• If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

  Dan Quayle

  Funny, Running, Stupid

  44 Copy quote

• I have always been among those who believed that the greatest freedom of speech was the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.

  Woodrow Wilson

  Encouraging, 4th Of July, Men

  Woodrow Wilson, Arthur Stanley Link, Woodrow Wilson Foundation, Princeton University (1988). “The papers of Woodrow Wilson”

  128 Copy quote

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• A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

  Texas Guinan

  Funny, Life, Country

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  63 Copy quote

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  The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Trust, Witty

  Winston S. Churchill (2013). “Churchill By Himself”, p.1079, RosettaBooks

  432 Copy quote

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• I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  In Saturday Review 25 Aug. 1962

  121 Copy quote

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• Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

  John Kenneth Galbraith

  Funny, Witty, Men

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  79 Copy quote

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• If you want government to intervene domestically, you’re a liberal. If you want government to intervene overseas, you’re a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, you’re a moderate. If you don’t want government to intervene anywhere, you’re an extremist.

  Joseph Sobran

  Funny, Government, Political

  71 Copy quote