Funny Marriage Advice Quotes

• you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

  Bill Maher

  Husband, Names, People

  6 Copy quote

• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

  Henny Youngman

  Love, Anniversary, Marriage

  Forbes Magazine, Volume 166 (p. 156), 2000.

  75 Copy quote

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• Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

  Alan King

  Marriage, Fighting, Way

  47 Copy quote

• Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Birthday, Marriage

  Irvin S. Cobb, Mary Roberts Rinehart, Helen Rowland, Richard Saunders (2017). “We Should All Be So Feminine: We Should All Be a Feminist: We Should All Be Feminists”, p.53, Lulu.com

  105 Copy quote

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• I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

  Red Skelton

  Inspiration, Divorce, Names

  68 Copy quote

• Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Marriage, People

  40 Copy quote
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  A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Love, Relationship, Anniversary

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.32, BookBaby

  155 Copy quote

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• Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

  Joey Adams

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  Joey Adams (1957). “Cindy and I: The Real Life Adventures of Mr. and Mrs. Joey Adams”

  27 Copy quote

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• Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

  Minnie Pearl

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  28 Copy quote

• All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage.

  Lord Byron

  Funny Marriage, Tragedy, Comedy

  'Don Juan' (1819-24) canto 3, st. 9

  21 Copy quote

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• Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

  Jean Kerr

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  Jean Kerr (1962). “The Snake Has all the Lines”

  26 Copy quote

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• When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.

  Joseph Campbell

  Love, Relationship, Anniversary

  Joseph Campbell, Bill Moyers (2011). “The Power of Myth”, p.7, Anchor

  87 Copy quote

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• Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Cute, Marriage, Funny Love

  26 Copy quote

• Marriage is like a hot bath; once you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

  Minnie Pearl

  Wedding, Religion, Hot

  49 Copy quote

• Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.

  Madeleine de Scudery

  Marriage, Eye, Men

  57 Copy quote

• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and halfway closed there after.

  James Dobson

  Love, Marriage, Eye

  23 Copy quote

• Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.

  Cass Daley

  Marriage, Wedding, Women

  7 Copy quote

• The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

  Groucho Marx

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  69 Copy quote

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• Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do.

  Bettina Arndt

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  Arndt, Bettina, Bettina Arndt (2009). “The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex And Other Bedroom Battles”, p.60, Melbourne Univ. Publishing

  45 Copy quote

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• Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

  Francois de La Rochefoucauld

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  59 Copy quote

• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  Erma Bombeck

  Love, Marriage, Funny Relationship

  22 Copy quote

• Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

  Joyce Brothers

  Love, Marriage, Spiritual

  32 Copy quote

• Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

  Maryon Pearson

  Marriage, Sarcastic, Wedding

  49 Copy quote

• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Relationship, Anniversary

  90 Copy quote

• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  H.L. Mencken “A little book in C major”, Рипол Классик

  26 Copy quote

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