Couple Quotes - Page 34

• My cousin had a baby and I was watching her breastfeed for a couple of bucks, and I'll tell you ladies: it's amazing.

  Dave Attell

  Funny, Baby, Cousin

  "Skanks for the Memories". Comedy album, 2003.

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• A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Ugly

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• I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Men

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• You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Lonely, Humor

  "Dylan Moran: What It Is". Video, 2009.

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• The only award I've been nominated for is a Scottish BAFTA. A Scottish BAFTA, it's like hearing that the animals have their own Olympics. You hear all this stuff about TV being faked. Of course it's faked. It's all faked. That documentary a couple of weeks ago about tribal warfare among monkeys, that was all filmed in a Yates wine lodge in Dundee. Comic Relief is faked. Everybody in Africa is fine.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Wine

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• I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Cutting

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• Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Humor, Blow

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• My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.

  Zach Galifianakis

  Funny, Girlfriend, Party

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• I hated being "Mrs." from the first second each time. I didn't know why. All I knew was how uncomfortable it felt. I hated being one half of a couple, without understanding that it wasn't the husband or the man I hated, it was situation, the identity.

  Vivian Gornick

  Husband, Men, Understanding

  "We knew we were not liberated and were never going to be liberated. But we knew what liberation was". Interview with Madeleine Schwartz, believermag.com. March 24, 2014.

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• There are a couple of watersheds in human evolution. Most people are comfortable thinking about tool use and language use as watersheds. But the ability to play non-zero-sum games was another watershed.

  Jonathan Haidt

  Zero, Thinking, Games

  Interview with Tamler Sommers, www.believermag.com. August 2005.

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• I suddenly became aware over the last couple of years that I'm in my sixties. I never thought about it. I thought I'd better start acting my age or find roles that are going to be interesting to me in the sexagenarian repertoire, because it's not what you do in your forties or fifties.

  Geoffrey Rush

  Years, Interesting, Age

  "Toronto Q&A: Geoffrey Rush Dishes on ‘Pirates 5’ and Karaoke Battles". Interview with Brent Lang, variety.com. September 15, 2015.

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• I love people-watching at the clubs in Los Angeles, where girls make fools of themselves and guys pay thousands of dollars for a couple of bottles of vodka just so they can get a table. It's quite a scene.

  Jackie Collins

  Girl, People, Guy

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• A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

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• My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to deal with until, finally, a couple years ago, we had an intervention. And we had a rabbi come into the home, had him walk her through the history of the Jewish people, and then he made her watch "Schindler's List." And after that, my mom did a complete 180. Now she can't believe it only happened once.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Mom, Believe

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• Trousers can never be too tight. You have to go through a couple of days of pain, then everything stretches out.

  Noel Fielding

  Funny, Pain, Humor

  "This much I know". Interview with Eva Wiseman, www.theguardian.com. May 24, 2008.

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• Writing has always been a sanctuary or a refuge for me, any time I'm stressed or anxious or worried I find that a couple of hours expressing myself by writing always seems to have a calming effect on me.

  Christopher Paul Curtis

  Writing, Calming Effect, Stressed

  Source: www.bookbrowse.com

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• I hope people leave my show thinking they've had a worthwhile couple of hours. The worst thing you want is for people to think they've wasted their time or didn't get their money's worth.

  Joel Plaskett

  Thinking, People, Want

  Source: thewiremegazine.blogspot.com

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• It's a given your family will be tired of being photographed, but don't give up. In another couple of decades, those are the pictures you will be glad to have.

  David Burnett

  Giving Up, Don't Give Up, Tired

  Source: theonlinephotographer.typepad.com

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• When a hunger pain happens, that's your bodies way of saying it's too late, you're a fat storing machine now. The key and all trainers know the secret is that you should always take portable snacks with you and try to feed yourself every couple of hours.

  Jackie Warner

  Pain, Keys, Snacks

  Interview with Chris Yandek, www.cyinterview.com. May 25, 2008.

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• I always have a guitar with me. Actually, I've got several, I play every day. And I enjoy it. I'm never very far away from them. I swear I only ever get a couple days when I'm away from a guitar, and I never like it! There's always one close by, and I play every day. Or I'll be working on something in the studio and play around a bit. It's an extension of me, really.

  Andy Summers

  Guitar, Play, Far Away

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• In America, where you'd have thought the country's so huge it couldn't happen quite so cosily, everyone's giving his imprimatur to everyone else. You line up three or four well-known poets and a couple of eminent academics on the dustjacket, and the rest of academe follow like sheep. That's death really, if you take pleasure in it. Mind you, the occasional puff's hard to resist, but you shouldn't inhale.

  Michael Longley

  Country, America, Sheep

  Source: www.poetrymagazines.org.uk

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• Whether you're the wedding cake baker or the gay couple or the Baptist preacher, radical Islam would kill you all if they could.

  Lindsey Graham

  Gay, Cake, Islam

  Lindsey Graham at GOP primary debate at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California, www.cbsnews.com. September 16, 2015.

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• I have a couple of nice guitars that I use, but I don't have anything that I collect. I collect a lot of dust in my apartment, if that counts for anything.

  Chris Carmack

  Nice, Guitar, Dust

  "Nashville's Chris Carmack on The O.C. and the rules of the death row meal". Interview with Marah Eakin, tv.avclub.com. September 22, 2015.

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• I've been mayor so I believe there is something else for me. I don't know what that is yet, but I definitely have a testimony now brother! As far as talking to young couples, talking to brothers who are strong, they have it going on, they know exactly what they want to do, how they want to do it but they don't have any God in their life. They don't really move by a spirit. They are not really connected to the community. There is a testimony in here somewhere that I think I can share but I don't know.

  Kwame Kilpatrick

  Strong, Brother, Believe

  Source: www.finalcall.com

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• Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Humor, Epcot

  P.J. O'Rourke (2012). “Holidays in Hell”, p.157, Atlantic Books Ltd

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