My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.
When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. I was also a fan of the 'shoe closet.' Reading felt thrilling and illicit and deeply private to me, and I felt vulnerable doing it in public.
If I were straight and I were trying to seduce a woman, I could do it just by standing up at the table when she came back from the bathroom. It works. Every time I do that, all the straight men are sitting at the table and their wives are kicking them. "Look at that!" "You never do that for me!"
Love is something that hangs up behind the bathroom door and smells of Lysol.
Of all the subjects on this planet, I think my parents would have been hard put to name one less useful than Greek mythology to securing the keys to an executive bathroom.
Americans are always mortified when I tell them this, but in England, it's a tradition to put your plaques and photographs and awards and gold records and stuff in your bathroom. I don't know why.
People think the free market is a philosophy, they think that it is a creed. It is none of those things. Free market is a bathroom scale, it is a measuring tape, it's simply a measurement.
Like when I'm in the bathroom looking at my toilet paper, I'm like 'Wow! That's toilet paper?' I don't know if we appreciate how much we have.
It's very important for the parents of young autistic children to encourage them to talk, or for those that don't talk, to give them a way of communicating, like a picture board, where they can point to a glass of milk, or a jacket if they're cold, or the bathroom. If they want something, then they need to learn to request that thing.
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
The beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Justice, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
I see all. I hear all. I know all. And I spend a great deal of time in the bathroom.
In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
Make sure your bathroom is clean. If you're having a girl over the house for the first time, make sure your toilet is clean, not disgusting. Guys' bathrooms are always the most disgusting thing.
I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.
The paperless society is about as plausible as the paperless bathroom.
For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.
I went to the bathroom and threw some water on my face, combed my hair. If I could only comb that face, I thought, but I can't.
I picked up the phone to call the police, but then I considered how it would sound when I told them that I was calling from inside my bathroom, where I’d OD’ed on laxatives, and that a possible rapist was quietly passing me notes under the bathroom door.
I've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother.
I can't live without my beauty products. I love to be in my bathroom with my candles lit, morning, noon and night. I like taking hot baths and hot showers, using my body scrubs and lotions.
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