Frankie Boyle Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

• I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think...is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "Frankie Boyle Live". Comedy, 2008.

• It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine they were told that the mission was to rescue a bearded British hostage and he must be brought out alive.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Navy

• On the most Scottish thing he'd ever seen: I was going through a town called Bathgate at around 11 o'clock at night. And there was a guy leaning and pissing against a front door. He then took out his keys and went inside.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Night

• The English are worried about the Euro being brought in because of loss of national identity and rising prices. In Scotland, people are just worried in case they have to close Poundstretcher.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Loss

  "Mock the Week". www.imdb.com. (2005 - ).

• What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Wall, Humor

• A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Baby, Fall

• Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Play

  "Frankie Boyle Live", 2008.

• Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• Jordan ran the London marathon to help raise money for the blind. After jogging that far with her body, I'm surprised she hasn't joined them!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, London

• In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Oxygen

• The average life expectancy rate in some parts of Glasgow is 54. If you've ever been there, you'll realize that that's maybe a bit long.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Average Life

• When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Cristiano Ronaldo

• Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, White

• That should be the anti-speeding advert. It should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "Mock the Week". Comedy, Game-Show, (2005– ).

• Now, the magic of British parks at night, as Bill Oddie presents.. Gaywatch.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Night

• They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don't have to wake anybody up!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Ejaculation

• The only award I've been nominated for is a Scottish BAFTA. A Scottish BAFTA, it's like hearing that the animals have their own Olympics. You hear all this stuff about TV being faked. Of course it's faked. It's all faked. That documentary a couple of weeks ago about tribal warfare among monkeys, that was all filmed in a Yates wine lodge in Dundee. Comic Relief is faked. Everybody in Africa is fine.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Couple, Humor

• I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Girlfriend, Valentine

• It turns out your not dyslexic, your just really really stupid.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Stupid, Humor

• The East End of Glasgow is like the Olympics. Lots of foriegners in tracksuits struggling to speak English.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Struggle, Humor

• Let me ask you a question. How long is too long to text someone back? My wife still thinks I died in 9/11.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• Victoria Beckham looks like she has a dump once every four years. That's probably how David knows that there's a World Cup coming up.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Years

• People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Sex, Heart

• Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Fire

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