Ejaculation Quotes

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  The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.

  Mel Brooks

  Sex, Premature Ejaculation, Premature

  "History of the World: Part I". www.imdb.com. 1981.

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• Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

  Dave Attell

  Funny, Humor, Fancy

  "Skanks for the Memories". Comedy album by Dave Attell, 2003.

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• Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, Men

  "Mock the Week". Game-Show, m.imdb.com.

  25 Copy quote

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• Girls say they like a sensitive man, but then they complain about my premature ejaculation.

  Tom Sims

  Girl, Sex, Men

  20 Copy quote

• I have divers times examined the same matter (human semen) from a healthy man... not from a sick man... nor spoiled by keeping... for a long time and not liquefied after the lapse of some time... but immediately after ejaculation before six beats of the pulse had intervened; and I have seen so great a number of living animalcules... in it, that sometimes more than a thousand were moving about in an amount of material the size of a grain of sand... I saw this vast number of animalcules not all through the semen, but only in the liquid matter adhering to the thicker part.

  Antonie van Leeuwenhoek

  Moving, Science, Men

  26 Copy quote

• They've bought out a condom now for people with premature ejaculation and they've put an anesthetic in the lining that makes you numb and you can last for longer. Or, you can wear it inside out and you don't have to wake anybody up!

  Frankie Boyle

  Funny, Humor, People

  18 Copy quote

• Now why the hell would I want to increase the volume of my ejaculation ? They can already hear me in the apartment next door.

  Donald Fagen

  Sex, Doors, Want

  16 Copy quote

• So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: "You know, maybe you're suffering from premature ejaculation." Yeah, does it look like I'm suffering? Those aren't tears on your belly.

  Robert Schimmel

  Wife, Suffering, Tears

  "Robert Schimmel: Unprotected". Documentary, www.imdb.com. 1999.

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• Art and prayer are the only decent ejaculations of the soul.

  Joris-Karl Huysmans

  Art, Prayer, Soul

  Joris-Karl Huysmans (1958). “Down There (Là Bas): A Study in Satanism”

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• Erections, Ejaculations,Exhibitions and General Tales of Ordinary Madness.

  Charles Bukowski

  Ordinary, Exhibitions, Madness

  1972 Title of book.

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• I jest, of course; premature ejaculation isn't a laughing matter for anyone, except for your friends when you tell them about it on the phone the next morning. My first marriage ended because the main event was invariably over before my husband got his socks off.

  Julie Burchill

  Morning, Husband, Phones

  13 Copy quote

• The religions of the world are the ejaculations of a few imaginative men.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Religious, Men, Religion

  Ralph Waldo Emerson (1983). “Essays and Lectures”, p.463, Library of America

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• According to the legend an evil old doctor, who called himself God and us dogs, created the first boy in his adolescent image. The boy peopled the garden with male phantoms that rose from his ejaculations. This angered God, who was getting on in years. He decided it endangered his position as CREATOR. So he crept upon the boy and anaesthetized him and made Eve from his rib. Henceforth all creation of beings would process through female channels. But some of Adam's phantoms refused to let God near them under any pretext.

  William S. Burroughs

  Letting Go, Dog, Boys

  12 Copy quote

• A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants."

  Tommy Cooper

  Funny, Party, Humor

  22 Copy quote

• Sex-ed courses look at girl's internal parts: for boys it's about ejaculation, erection and wet dreams; for girls, it's periods and unwanted pregnancy. We never talk to girls about sexual self-exploration or self-knowledge.

  Peggy Orenstein

  Girl, Dream, Sex

  Source: www.macleans.ca

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• I shall sustain a massive erection, that’s what, and I shan’t be answerable for the consequences. Some kind of ejaculation is almost bound to ensue and if either of you were to become pregnant I should never forgive myself.

  Stephen Fry

  Forgiving, Kind, Should

  Stephen Fry (2003). “The Liar”, p.16, Soho Press

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• Let's distinguish between freedom and equality. The modern American woman may be more liberated sexually than her mother was, but I don't think she enjoys a bit more sexual equality. The American male continues to use her sexually for one thing: a means to the end of his own ejaculation.

  Madalyn Murray O'Hair

  Mother, Mean, Thinking

  4 Copy quote

• In the name of sense, man, if God made fish to be eaten, what difference does it make if I enjoy the killing of them before I eat them? You would have none but a fisherman by trade do it, and then you would have him utter a sigh, a prayer, and a pious ejaculation at each cod or haddock that he killed.

  William Cowper Prime

  Prayer, Men, Differences

  William Cowper Prime (1876). “I Go A-fishing”, p.266

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• It's often the way that people who take their work seriously laugh at stupid jokes; it's as if they are under-humored and, as a consequence, suffer from premature laugh-ejaculation.

  Nick Hornby

  Stupid, People, Laughing

  Nick Hornby (1996). “High Fidelity”, p.183, Penguin

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• I think that if I get into the habit of writing a bit about what happens, or rather doesn't happen, I may lose a little of the sense of isolation and desolation which abides with me. My circumstances allowing of nothing but the ejaculation of one-syllabled reflections, a written monologue by that most interesting being, myself, may have its yet to be discovered consolations.

  Alice James

  Writing, Thinking, Reflection

  6 Copy quote

• Begin now, as you read these words, as you sit in your chair, to offer your whole selves, utterly and in joyful abandon, in quiet, glad surrender to Him who is within. In secret ejaculations of praise, turn in humble wonder to the Light, faint though it may be.

  Thomas Raymond Kelly

  Humble, Light, Self

  16 Copy quote

• She went, however, and they sauntered about together many a half hour in Mr. Grant's shrubbery, the weather being unusually mild for the time of year, and venturing sometimes even to sit down on one of the benches now comparatively unsheltered, remaining there perhaps till, in the midst of some tender ejaculation of Fanny's on the sweets of so protracted an autumn, they were forced by the sudden swell of a cold gust shaking down the last few yellow leaves about them, to jump up and walk for warmth.

  Jane Austen

  Sweet, Time, Autumn

  7 Copy quote

• The Lord help us!' he soliloquised in an undertone of peevish displeasure, while relieving me of my horse: looking, meantime, in my face so sourly that I charitably conjectured he must have need of divine aid to digest his dinner, and his pious ejaculation had no reference to my unexpected advent.

  Emily Bronte

  Horse, Needs, Dinner

  Charlotte Bronte, Emily Bronte, Anne Bronte (2009). “The Bronte Sisters: Three Novels: Jane Eyre; Wuthering Heights; and Agnes Grey (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition)”, p.370, Penguin

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