John M. Gottman Quotes

• In order to get to a healthier and more productive place, we need to give up our fear of conflict, turmoil and resistance.

  John M. Gottman

  Giving Up, Order, Needs

  73 Copy quote

• You don't have to be interesting. You have to be interested.

  John M. Gottman

  Interesting, Ironic

  65 Copy quote

• I believe we're going to find that respect and affection are essential to all relationships working and contempt destroys them.

  John M. Gottman

  Love, Trust, Respect

  85 Copy quote

• Admit when you're wrong. Shut up when you're right.

  John M. Gottman

  Shut Up

  73 Copy quote

• The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse predict an ailing marriage: Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt. The worst of these is contempt.

  John M. Gottman

  Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse, Criticism, Worst

  67 Copy quote

• In a good relationship, people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It's 'our' problem.

  John M. Gottman

  Marriage, Soccer, People

  64 Copy quote

• Marriages are much more likely to succeed when the couple experiences a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions whereas when the ratio approaches 1 to 1, marriages are more likely to end in divorce.

  John M. Gottman

  Couple, Divorce, Being Positive

  74 Copy quote

• Thus, the critical dimension in understanding whether a marriage will work or not, becomes the extent to which the male can accept the influence of the woman he loves and become socialized in emotional communication.

  John M. Gottman

  Communication, Emotional, Understanding

  35 Copy quote

• Bid for connection: Each of our daily interactions with another person.

  John M. Gottman

  Connections, Interaction, Persons

  25 Copy quote

• When a couple gets to the last stage, one or both partners may have an affair. But an affair is usually a symptom of a dying marriage, not the cause. The end of that marriage could have been predicted long before either spouse strayed.

  John M. Gottman

  Couple, Long, Dying

  30 Copy quote

• We move in response to our conversation partner’s face, and our brain also fires as we move those muscles and stirs the passions. Paralyzing the face is idiotic.

  John M. Gottman

  Moving, Passion, Fire

  32 Copy quote

• I liken an affair to the shattering of a Waterford crystal vase. You can glue it back together, but it will never be the same again.

  John M. Gottman

  Together, Glue, Vases

  27 Copy quote

• Gay and lesbian relationships operate on essentially the same principles as heterosexual relationships

  John M. Gottman

  Gay, Principles, Marriage Equality

  12 Copy quote

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