My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?
Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Clones are people two.
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