Republican Quotes - Page 38

I can't wait for the Republican debates to start and there's literally 65 guys on one stage.

Conan O'Brien

Waiting, Guy, Debate

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The U.S. unemployment rate is the lowest it's been in nearly seven years. The job sector that has seen the most growth is in the field of Republican presidential candidates.

Conan O'Brien

Jobs, Years, Presidential

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The big story is Bruce Jenner. In last week's interview, Jenner said he's a woman who is transitioning his body from male to female, and he's also a conservative Republican. Bruce said he looks forward to bashing Obamacare as soon as he finishes using it.

Conan O'Brien

Obamacare, Males, Female

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The top 15 contenders for the Republican nomination own at least 40 guns among them. If we elect a Republican president no one is hopping over the White House fence ever again.

Conan O'Brien

Gun, White, House

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House Speaker John Boehner said the Republican Party will no longer stand in the way of gay marriage. Then Boehner said, 'Now can I go to Elton John's Oscar party?'

Conan O'Brien

Party, Gay, House

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In a speech today, President Obama said that Michelle Obama is very strong and talented and she frequently tells him that he is wrong. As a result, Michelle Obama is now the Republican front-runner for 2016.

Conan O'Brien

Strong, President, Speech

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According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats.

Conan O'Brien

Running, President, Want

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A new Republican Congress is taking over. Sen. Ted Cruz has been appointed tooverseeing NASA in Congress. He says he wants NASA to focus on finding aliens so he can deport them.

Conan O'Brien

Focus, Want, Aliens

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This morning, due to a massive storm, at least 150,000 people in San Francisco were left without power. Of course, people in San Francisco without power are usually called Republicans.

Conan O'Brien

Morning, San Francisco, People

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The Republican Party had a big day in yesterday's midterm elections and now controls the House and Senate. And don't ask me how this happened, but the Republican Party also gained control of three seats in our show's band.

Conan O'Brien

Party, Yesterday, House

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For the first time ever, a black Republican woman has been elected to Congress. President Obama told her, 'You are all set. This country never turns against a black anything.'

Conan O'Brien

Country, Black, President

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Utah could elect its first black Republican woman to Congress. In other words, Utah finally got one black person and the first thing they want to do is send her to Washington.

Conan O'Brien

Utah, Black, Want

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Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield's other ear.

David Letterman

Two, Hopeful, Presidential

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Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential candidate, is going to fight Evander Holyfield for charity. I hope they save some of that money for funeral expenses.

David Letterman

Fighting, Two, Funeral

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Mitt Romney has a fund-raiser. He's going to get in the ring and fight Evander Holyfield. This is the dumbest thing Republicans have done since they wrote that open letter to Iran.

David Letterman

Fighting, Iran, Letters

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President Obama's trying to work out a nuclear deal with Iran, and the Republicans are steamed. They got together and sent Iran a letter about the nuclear deal. They said if this doesn't work, by God, they're going to send Seth Rogen and James Franco.

David Letterman

Iran, Work Out, Trying

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Here in New York City, it's cold. It's so cold the Republicans want to use the Keystone Pipeline to deliver soup.

David Letterman

New York, Cities, Keystone Pipeline

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The Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really know what happened to the Democrats until they find the black box.

David Letterman

Black, Juggernaut, Election

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Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. Republicans won in a landslide.

David Letterman

New York, Cities, Yesterday

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Senate Democrats blocked President Obama's trade bill yesterday because they're worried it could hurt jobs. It's not an issue for Republicans, since they've all found work as presidential candidates.

Jimmy Fallon

Hurt, Jobs, Yesterday

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According to a new survey, almost half of the voters in Ohio, Florida, and Pennsylvania say that they do not trust Hillary Clinton. Republicans immediately got together and said, 'OK, this is a huge opportunity for us. How are we going to screw it up?'

Jimmy Fallon

Opportunity, Florida, Ohio

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According to a new poll, Republicans are more likely to have a doughnut for breakfast, while Democrats prefer to eat bagels and croissants. While Independents are that annoying friend who's still looking at the menu after 15 minutes.

Jimmy Fallon

Bagels, Breakfast, Annoying

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Republican Ted Cruz announced that he will run for president in 2016. So finally, Carnival is no longer the most dangerous cruise in America.

Jimmy Fallon

Running, America, President

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The U.S. is re-establishing relations with Cuba. But before President Obama can lift the embargo, it will need approval from the Republican-controlled Congress - or as Republicans who called Obama said, 'Close, but no cigar.'

Jimmy Fallon

President, Cuba, Needs

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On Tuesday, Utah Candidate Mia Love became the first black Republican woman elected to Congress. She's also a Mormon. Yeah, a black female Republican Mormon. Even unicorns are saying, 'Not buyin' it.'

Jimmy Fallon

Love Is, Utah, Tuesday

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