Politics Funny Quotes

• A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Humorous, Next Week

  In B. Adler Churchill Wit (1965) p. 4

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  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  Groucho Marx

  Art, Freedom, Political Will

  231 Copy quote

• Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.

  John F. Kennedy

  Mom, Mother, Growing Up

  John F. Kennedy, Dominique Enright (2003). “The Wicked Wit of John F. Kennedy”, Michael O'Mara Books

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• A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Change, Business

  Winston Churchill (1987). “The Irrepressible Churchill: Stories, Sayings and Impressions of Sir Winston Churchill”, London : Robson Books

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  The ballot is stronger than the bullet.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Freedom, Democracies Have, Presidential

  Speech, 19 May 1856

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• If you can't convince them, confuse them.

  Harry S. Truman

  Witty, Business, Silly

  Harry S. Truman, Steve Neal (2003). “Miracle of Forty-eight”, p.139, SIU Press

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  When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.

  Clarence Darrow

  Funny, Sarcastic, Believe

  Quoted in Irving Stone, Clarence Darrow for the Defense (1941)

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• In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.

  Len Deighton

  Funny, Air, Lenses

  104 Copy quote

• Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Veterans Day, Military

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

  Doug Larson

  Change, Keys, Cities

  76 Copy quote

• He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Sarcastic, Thinking, Careers

  Major Barbara (1907) act 3

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• We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

  Aesop

  Witty, Government, Political Will

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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  The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Trust, Witty

  Winston S. Churchill (2013). “Churchill By Himself”, p.1079, RosettaBooks

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• Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.

  John Kenneth Galbraith

  Art, Freedom, Political

  "Don't blame Alistair Darling. He's just the brush and bucket" by Andrew Rawnsley, www.theguardian.com. July 19, 2008.

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• Of the people, by the people, for the people.

  Sun Yat-sen

  4th Of July, Patriotic, Democracies Have

  123 Copy quote

• One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

  Plato

  Plato, War, Government

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• Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Life, Change

  Will Rogers, Bryan B. Sterling (1988). “The Will Rogers scrapbook”, Random House Value Publishing

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• I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  In Saturday Review 25 Aug. 1962

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• The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders...tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger.

  Hermann Goring

  Country, Peace, Freedom

  Quoted in Gustave M. Gilbert, Nuremberg Diary (1947).

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• Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Evil, Political, Wish

  Cynic's Word Book (1906) p. 56

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• Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

  Oscar Ameringer

  Life, Witty, Art

  71 Copy quote

• A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

  Texas Guinan

  Funny, Life, Country

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

  Charles de Gaulle

  Life, Political, Politics

  Quoted in Clement Attlee, A Prime Minister Remembers (1961) See Briand 2; Clemenceau 4

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• Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

  Marion Barry

  Funny, Country, Crazy

  Quoted in Chicago Tribune, 28 Mar. 1989

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• Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  Quoted in Albert B. Paine, Mark Twain: A Biography (1912)

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