Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
Good golfing temperament falls between taking it with a grin or shrug and throwing a fit.
Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.
Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward.
If your opponent is playing several shots in vain attempts to extricate himself from a bunker, do not stand near him and audibly count his strokes. It would be justifiable homicide if he wound up his pitiable exhibition by applying his niblick to your head.
Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money.
There is no such thing as natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.
The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
A lot of guys who have have never choked, have never been in the position to do so.
I've said a thousand times, you can't go into a shop and buy a good golf game.
There are no short hitters on the tour anymore - just long and unbelievably long.
When I'm playing well, I don't even take aim.
I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.
The funny thing is, last summer we were golfing together, me, him and Alonzo Mourning. I don't know how to golf, but it's an unbelievable opportunity to go out and golf with one of the greats. And he's out there making fun of my swing - I can't hit the ball - and I'm getting frustrated because I'm a competitor. So Alonzo pulled me aside and said, 'Man, you're getting the chance to golf with Bill Russell. How many people can say they've done that?' And I looked at him and said, 'You know what? You're right.'
I think there came a time - probably when I was about 13 - when I started to struggle with an increasing volume of schoolwork and the demands from my golfing schedule and aspirations. I'm not sure if the decision to leave school was very clear in my mind then but I did know that in the juggling between the two, my energies were most definitely in the golfing direction.
Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf
Excessive golfing dwarfs the intellect. Nor is this to be wondered at when you consider that the more fatuously vacant the mind is, the better for play. It has been observed that absolute idiots play the steadiest.
Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
Graduation is a big deal-bigger than getting a hole-in-one while golfing. People might think you're lying about the hole-in-one, but when you graduate, you get a diploma.
It's easy to see golf not as a game at all but as some whey-faced, nineteenth-century Presbyterian minister's fever dream of exorcism achieved through ritual and self-mortification.
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