Funny Women Quotes

• High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

  Christopher Morley

  Funny, Fashion, Women

  70 Copy quote

• I prefer the word 'homemaker' because 'housewife' always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.

  Bella Abzug

  Funny, Women, Wife

  70 Copy quote

• A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

  Gloria Steinem

  Hilarious, Heartbreak, Funny Love

  Attributed

  66 Copy quote

  Show source

• I hate women because they always know where things are.

  Voltaire

  Inspirational, Funny, Cute

  83 Copy quote

• A woman should soften but not weaken a man.

  Sigmund Freud

  Funny, Women, Should

  39 Copy quote

• As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Mother Daughter

  Oscar Wilde (2015). “The Picture of Dorian Gray (Diversion Classics)”, p.54, Diversion Books

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Women, Causes

  17 Copy quote
• 

  A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

  Eleanor Roosevelt

  Inspirational, Funny, Strength

  176 Copy quote
• 

  You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

  Erica Jong

  Love, Witty, Women

  154 Copy quote

• Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.

  Marlene Dietrich

  Funny, Change, Hilarious

  109 Copy quote

• Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Funny, Women, Hands

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.53, BookBaby

  14 Copy quote

  Show source

• Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

  Timothy Leary

  Funny, Hilarious, Girly

  "Third and Possibly the Best 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said". Book by Robert Byrne, No. 40, 1986.

  297 Copy quote

  Show source

• Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

  Charlotte Whitton

  Funny, Hilarious, Strong Women

  Canada Month, June 1963. A later satirical version of this saying added to the end "Luckily, this is not difficult" (Paul Dickson, The Official Rules [1978]). See Eleanor Roosevelt 2

  102 Copy quote

  Show source

• Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

  Jim Carrey

  Funny, Laughter, Women

  141 Copy quote

• If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

  Aristotle Onassis

  Funny Love, Witty, Money

  Quoted in Barbara Rowes, The Book of Quotes (1979)

  157 Copy quote

  Show source

• I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce.

  Margaret Mead

  Funny, Hilarious, Peace

  "Quote Unquote". Book by Lloyd Cory, 1977.

  89 Copy quote

  Show source

• I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they're the first to be rescued off sinking ships.

  Gilda Radner

  Funny, Cute, Women

  72 Copy quote

• There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Hilarious, Women

  34 Copy quote

• Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

  Albert Einstein

  Inspirational, Funny, Change

  Albert Einstein (2010). “The Ultimate Quotable Einstein”, p.482, Princeton University Press

  1681 Copy quote

  Show source

• Men are simpler than you imagine my sweet child. But what goes on in the twisted, tortuous minds of women would baffle anyone.

  Daphne du Maurier

  Funny, Hilarious, Sweet

  Daphne Du Maurier (2012). “Daphne du Maurier Omnibus 4: Rebecca; My Cousin Rachel”, p.172, Hachette UK

  36 Copy quote

  Show source

• Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.

  Benny Hill

  Funny, Girl, Hilarious

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Women

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  16 Copy quote

  Show source

• Saying yes all the time won't make me Wonder Woman. It will make me a worn out woman.

  Lysa TerKeurst

  Wonder Woman, Saying Yes, Worn

  Twitter post from Oct 14, 2016

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

  Helen Rowland

  Sarcastic, Excitement, Life Is

  71 Copy quote

• All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Funny, Women, Competition

  "The Complete Neurotic's Notebook". Book by Mignon McLaughlin, 1981.

  9 Copy quote

  Show source