Funny Religious Quotes - Page 2

• Faith: not wanting to know what is true.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Faith, Religious, Atheist

  Friedrich Nietzsche (1977). “The Portable Nietzsche”, p.383, Penguin

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• A man's ethical behaviour should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.

  Albert Einstein

  Sympathy, God, Death

  Albert Einstein (2010). “Ideas And Opinions”, p.39, Broadway Books

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• Blasphemy: a law to protect an all-powerful, supernatural deity from getting its feelings hurt.

  Ricky Gervais

  Hurt, Powerful, Law

  FaceBook post by Ricky Gervais from Jan 07, 2015

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• The most heinous and the most cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives.

  Mahatma Gandhi

  Religious, Atheist, Fear

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• Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.

  Alan Watts

  Buddhist, Fun, Buddhism

  Alan Watts (2003). “Become what You are”, p.29, Shambhala Publications

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• The way to see by Faith is to shut the Eye of Reason.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Faith, Spiritual, Religious

  Benjamin Franklin (1987). “Poor Richard's Almanack: Being the Choicest Morsels of Wisdom, Written During the Years of the Almanack's Publication”, p.16, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

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• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.

  Billy Sunday

  Funny, Hilarious, Christian

  Billy Sunday, William Thomas Ellis (1917). “Billy Sunday, the Man and His Message: With His Own Words which Have Won Thousands for Christ”

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• The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike.

  Steven Weinberg

  Death, Spiritual, Religious

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• The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Inspirational, Life, Atheist

  Ralph Waldo Emerson (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson (Illustrated)”, p.2728, Delphi Classics

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• An Inuit hunter asked the local missionary priest: If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell? No, said the priest, not if you did not know. Then why, asked the Inuit earnestly, did you tell me?

  Annie Dillard

  Life, Religion, Atheism

  Pilgrim at Tinker Creek ch. 7 (1974)

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• Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.

  Demetri Martin

  Jesus, Mosquitoes, Communion

  FaceBook post by Demetri Martin from Nov 24, 2013

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• If there were no God, there would be no atheists.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  God, Atheist, Christian Inspirational

  "Where All Roads Lead" by Gilbert K. Chesterton, 1922.

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• Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Atheist, Animal

  "The Lowest Animal" (1940)

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• The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out.

  George Carlin

  Friday, Christian, Monday

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• The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Life, Atheist

  "Letters from the Earth" (1940)

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• It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

  Mark Twain

  Death, Religious, Atheist

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.31, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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• All gods are better than their reputation.

  Mark Twain

  God, Novelists, Reputation

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• I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

  John Fugelsang

  Funny, Christian, Jesus

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• For good people to do evil things, it takes religion.

  Steven Weinberg

  Religious, Atheist, If There Is A God

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• When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?'

  Quentin Crisp

  Peace, Atheist, Believe

  "The Wit and Wisdom of Quentin Crisp". Book by Quentin Crisp, 1984.

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• Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.

  Isaac Asimov

  Death, Atheist, If There Is A God

  Isaac Asimov (1995). “Yours, Isaac Asimov: A Lifetime of Letters”, Doubleday Books

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• Believe those who seek the truth, doubt those who find it; doubt all, but do not doubt yourself.

  Andre Gide

  Truth, Believe, Profound

  "Ainsi soit-il; ou, Les Jeux sont faits". Book by André Gide, p. 174, 1952.

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• The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.

  Richard Francis Burton

  Death, Religious, Atheist

  "The Book of The Thousand Nights And A Night". Book by John Payne, Terminal Essay: Social Conditions, fn. 13., 1885.

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  Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

  Lily Tomlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Atheist, Believe

  Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.55, St. Martin's Press

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