Funny Divorce Quotes

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  A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.

  Margaret Atwood

  Broken Heart, Lost Love, Divorce

  Quoted in Time, 19 Mar. 1973

  91 Copy quote

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• 

  In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.

  Robert Anderson

  Love, Inspirational, Anniversary

  62 Copy quote

• Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  61 Copy quote

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• When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

  Helen Rowland

  Marriage, Single, Divorce

  Irvin S. Cobb, Mary Roberts Rinehart, Helen Rowland, Richard Saunders (2017). “We Should All Be So Feminine: We Should All Be a Feminist: We Should All Be Feminists”, p.70, Lulu.com

  39 Copy quote

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• Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

  Robin Williams

  Funny, Single, Sexy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  60 Copy quote

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• I can't get divorced because I'm a Catholic. Catholics don't get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.

  Lenny Clarke

  Funny, Divorce, Hatred

  49 Copy quote

• What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else.

  Stephanie Klein

  Relationship, Divorce, Waiting

  Twitter post from Sep 22, 2015

  46 Copy quote

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• My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.

  Joyce Brothers

  Marriage, Husband, Divorce

  27 Copy quote

• Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Wedding

  44 Copy quote

• Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.

  Joan Rivers

  Breakup, Divorce, Insightful

  Joan Rivers (1997). “Bouncing back: I've survived everything-- and I mean everything-- and you can too!”, Thorndike Pr

  21 Copy quote

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• Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.

  Mary Blakely

  Divorce, Insightful, Bypass

  Mary Kay Blakely (1995). “American Mom: Motherhood, Politics, and Humble Pie”, p.125, Simon and Schuster

  44 Copy quote

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• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  112 Copy quote

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• She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

  Tommy Manville

  Marriage, Divorce, Judging

  46 Copy quote

• Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

  George Burns

  Love, Inspirational, Funny

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  150 Copy quote

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• Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be, let me tell you. Honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.

  Larry Gelbart

  Funny, Witty, Divorce

  "Fictional character: Maj. Frank Burns". TV Series "M*A*S*H", 1972-1983.

  47 Copy quote

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• My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That's what happens when you haven't been home in eighteen years.

  Lee Trevino

  Home, Divorce, Golf

  11 Copy quote

• I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

  Red Skelton

  Inspiration, Divorce, Names

  68 Copy quote

• A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

  Jean Kerr

  Jobs, Divorce, Friendly

  Jean Kerr (1965). “Mary, Mary”, p.33, Dramatists Play Service Inc

  98 Copy quote

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• Conrad Hilton was very generous in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5,000 Gideon Bibles.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Divorce, Gideon, Settlement

  "10 bizarre divorce settlements" by Ethan Trex, edition.cnn.com. January 04, 2010.

  106 Copy quote

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• The happiest time of anyone's life is just after the first divorce.

  John Kenneth Galbraith

  Divorce, Firsts, Life Is

  12 Copy quote

• Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

  Jean Kerr

  Inspirational, Life, Marriage

  Jean Kerr (1965). “Mary, Mary”, p.19, Dramatists Play Service Inc

  84 Copy quote

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• The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, a separation.

  Lord Chesterfield

  Funny, Marriage, Drinking

  Lord Philip Dormer Stanhope Chesterfield, Eugenia Stanhope (1827). “Letters Written by the Earl of Chesterfield to His Son”, p.254

  13 Copy quote

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• Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.

  Helen Rowland

  Love, Relationship, Money

  Helen Rowland (2017). “Reflections of a Bachelor Girl”, p.42, Litres

  23 Copy quote

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• Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Divorce, Diplomatic Relations, Boundaries

  86 Copy quote

• Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.

  Helen Rowland

  Love, Divorce, Literature

  A Guide to Men "Divorces" (1922)

  12 Copy quote

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