Fruitcake Quotes

• Friends are the fruitcake of life - some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet.

  Jon Ronson

  Sweet, Alcohol, Nutty

  Jon Ronson (2012). “Jon Ronson's Adventures With Extraordinary People”, p.598, Pan Macmillan

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• There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us.

  Jimmy Buffett

  Littles, Left, Bits

  Song: Fruitcakes, Album: Fruitcakes, 1994

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• The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

  Johnny Carson

  Birthday, Christmas, People

  "Late-Night TV Icon Johnny Carson Dies", abcnews.go.com. January 23, 2005.

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• Reality is like a fruitcake; pretty enough to look at but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface.

  A. Lee Martinez

  Reality, Looks, Nasty

  A. Lee Martinez (2006). “Gil's All Fright Diner”, p.184, Macmillan

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• The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.

  Dave Barry

  Humorous, Glasses, Cake

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• Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

  Phyllis Diller

  People, Modern Life, Christmas Gift

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• Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are.

  David Letterman

  Inspirational, Holiday, Airports

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• the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.

  Erma Bombeck

  Holiday, Cake, Fruit

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• We need more fruitcakes in this world, and less bakers!

  Jimmy Buffett

  Bakers, Needs, World

  Song: Fruitcakes

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• Fruitcake is like semen, there's a lot of it about but no one wants to swallow it

  Oscar Wilde

  Want

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• Political advice is a bit like your average Christmas fruitcake: something everyone gives and no one wants.

  Bob Dole

  Average, Giving, Political

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• Bring on the fruitcakes, we want a fruitcake for an unlovable seat.

  Matthew Parris

  Want, Seats, Unlovable

  1997 On the day before the Kensington and Chelsea Conservatives chose Alan Clark as their parliamentary candidate. In the Daily Mail, 26 Jan.

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• The thing with children is they're a bit like baking a fruitcake: you throw all the ingredients in but you never know how they're going to turn out.

  Len Goodman

  Children, Baking, Ingredients

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• Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me," said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.

  J. K. Rowling

  Uncles, Aunt, People

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• Once upon a time there was a girl who discovered that if she played a certain tune on a jade flute, she could summon up jade gnomes, a peculiar, harmless, but rather creepy looking spirit of the underground. The fact is that many of us have talents like this, but generally never discover them due to lack of opportunity, since one can go one's entire life without playing a jade flute, or discovering that one can speak the language of ground sloths, or turning fruitcake into solid tungsten by singing Sinatra tunes to it under a quarter moon.

  Ursula Vernon

  Girl, Moon, Opportunity

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• You're going to set us all on fire, you homicidal feral fruitcake.

  Melina Marchetta

  Fire, Homicidal

  Melina Marchetta (2006). “On The Jellicoe Road”, p.150, Penguin UK

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• Am I a fruitcake? I don't know. Perception is reality, so if I sit here and say, "I'm not a fruitcake, I'm a lemon cake," it doesn't matter. What you see me as in your world is what I am; it doesn't matter what I am - do you know what I mean? To me, I know what my real problems are - and they're certainly not about cake. And that's just the way it is.

  Macy Gray

  Real, Mean, Cake

  "It's a Macy, Macy world" by Tim Cooper, www.theguardian.com. November 17, 2001.

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• I must speak the truth, and nothing but the truth.

  Miguel de Cervantes

  Speak, Speak The Truth, Nothing But The Truth

  Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, Quixote de la Mancha (don, fict.name.) (1847). “The history of don Quixote de la Mancha. From the Span. To which is prefixed a sketch of the life and writings of the author. Select libr. ed”, p.115

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• I didn't believe in systems. Everything human was imperfect and ultimately absurd. What did I believe in then? In humor. In laughing at systems, at people, at one's self. In laughing even at one's need to laugh all the time. In seeing life as contradictory, many-sided, various, funny, tragic, and with moments of outrageous beauty. In seeing life as a fruitcake, including delicious plums and bad peanuts, but meant to be devoured hungrily all the same because you couldn't feast on the plums without also sometimes being poisoned by the peanuts.

  Erica Jong

  Believe, Self, Laughing

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• We need more fruitcakes in this world and less bakers!
  We need people that care! I'm mad as hell! And I don't want to
  take it anymore!

  Jimmy Buffett

  People, Mad, Bakers

  Song: Fruitcakes

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• As her skin sizzled under the delicious heat, she supposed she should’ve been giving serious thought to the lunacy of what she was doing playing with a vampire, who was, for all his charm, as lethal as a stiletto across the throat. But then again, most of her friends already thought she was half a nut short of a fruitcake. Why disappoint?

  Nalini Singh

  Nuts, Giving, Vampire

  Nalini Singh (2012). “Angels' Flight: A Guild Hunter Collection”, p.22, Penguin

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• I am not a morose person, but I would rather not be here. I don't have any reverence for life, only for the entities themselves. I would rather see a blank space where I am. This will sound like fruitcake stuff again but at least I wouldn't be harming anything.

  Ingrid Newkirk

  Space, Stuff, Reverence For Life

  "The Washington Post", November 13, 1983.

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• Franchot Tone is nuttier than a fruitcake, so don't let the genteel frosting fool you.

  Burgess Meredith

  Fool, Tone

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• Most people don't ever want to use a gun to protect themselves - that's the last thing they want to do - but if you know how and you have a situation with some fruitcake running around, like they've got right now, it sure can save you a lot of grief.

  Murphy J. Foster, Jr.

  Running, Grief, Gun

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• I mean UKIP, I mean it's just a sort of, you know, bunch of fruitcakes and loonies and closet racists, basically.

  David Cameron

  Mean, Ukip, Racist

  "Nigel Farage to stand down as UKIP leader again". "AM" with Michael Brissenden, www.abc.net.au. July 5, 2016.

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