Clever And Witty Quotes

• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Happiness

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Clever, Hipster

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “Epigrams of Oscar Wilde”, p.153, Wordsworth Editions

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• I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Cute, Sarcastic

  56 Copy quote

• In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

  Robert Frost

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  258 Copy quote

• You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.

  Henry Ford

  Inspirational, Motivational, Success

  "International Encyclopedia of Prose and Poetical Quotations". Book by William S. Walsh, 1951.

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• I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

  Woody Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Death: A Comedy in One Act". Book by Woody Allen, 1975.

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• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Success, Clever

  81 Copy quote

• Knowledge is realizing that the street is one way; wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.

  Albert Einstein

  Inspirational, Witty, Way

  179 Copy quote

• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

  Sacha Guitry

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Book of Humorous Quotations" edited by Connie Robertson, (p. 83), 1998.

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• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Time

  698 Copy quote

• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  53 Copy quote

• He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up

  Paul Keating

  Running, Witty, Clever

  49 Copy quote

• The second mouse gets the cheese!

  Terry Pratchett

  Funny, Witty, Iron

  17 Copy quote

• Two wrongs don't make a right.

  Roald Dahl

  Revenge, Humorous, Math

  Roald Dahl (2016). “The GFG: The Guid Freendly Giant: The BFG in Scots”, p.145, Black & White Publishing

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• Nixon's motto was, if two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  Norman Cousins

  Math, Two, Personality

  1979 In the Daily Telegraph, 17 Jul.

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• The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them.

  Albert Einstein

  Inspiring, Leadership, Education

  8 Copy quote

• The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Clever, Church Choir

  59 Copy quote

• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

  Bill Cosby

  Funny, Mom, Children

  Twitter post from Nov 02, 2009

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• A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

  Samuel Goldwyn

  Funny, Movie, Silly

  34 Copy quote

• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  In Leo Rosten People I have Loved, Known or Admired (1970) "Groucho"

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• If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Funny, Witty, Revenge

  Laurence J. Peter (1979). “Peter's people”, W. Morrow

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• If you can't convince them, confuse them.

  Harry S. Truman

  Witty, Business, Silly

  Harry S. Truman, Steve Neal (2003). “Miracle of Forty-eight”, p.139, SIU Press

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• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  Lana Turner

  Funny, Success, Hilarious

  1019 Copy quote

• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Death

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.61, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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• A father may have a child who is ugly and lacking in all the graces, and the love he feels for him puts a blindfold over his eyes so that he does not see his defects but considers them signs of charm and intelligence and recounts them to his friends as if they were clever and witty.

  Miguel de Cervantes

  Witty, Children, Clever

  Miguel de Cervantes, Edith Grossman (2009). “Don Quixote”, p.3, Harper Collins

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