Marya Hornbacher Quotes - Page 5

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• When you believe that you are not worthwhile in and of yourself, in the back of your mind you also begin to believe that life is not worthwhile in and of itself. It is only worthwhile insofar as it relates to your crusade. It is a kamikaze mission.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Believe, Mind, Life Is

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• My relationships with both my mother and father are good. We spent several difficult years hashing over the problems and the past, and worked out a fairly solid middle ground. I wouldn't say my relationship with either of them - they're no longer together - is exactly typical, but that would be difficult after all we went through.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Mother, Father, Past

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• Falling in love happens so suddenly that it seems, all at once, that you have always been in love.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Falling In Love, Been In Love, Happens

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.159, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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• My bones are brittle, my heart weak and erratic, my esophagus and stomach riddled with ulcers, my reproductive system shot, my immune system useless... I'm not going to have a happy ending.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Heart, Erratic, Useless

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• I get absolutely shitfaced. I am shitfaced and hyper and ten years old. I am having the time of my life.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Years, Hyper, Time Of My Life

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.25, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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• The idea began to sink in, more than it ever had, that I might be crazy, in the traditional sense of the word. That I might be, forever and ever amen, a Crazy Person. That's what we'd suspected all along, what I'd been working so hard to disprove, what might be true. I preferred, by far, being dead.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Crazy, Ideas, Forever

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• My parents say that even as a very, very little kid, the way that I acted was dramatically different from other little kids.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Kids, Parent, Different

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• I think many people with a chronic illness would prefer not to have their chronic illness, simply because it's high maintenance.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Thinking, People, Maintenance

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• There was a time when I was unable to get out of bed because my body, its muscles eating themselves away, refused to sit up. There was a time when the lies rolled off my tongue with ease, when it was far more important to me to self-destruct than to admit I had a problem, let alone allow anyone to help.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Lying, Self, Important

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• Because I'm not, in fact, depressed, Prozac makes me manic and numb - one of the reasons I slice my arm in the first place is that I'm coked to the gills on something utterly wrong for what I have.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Arms, Firsts, Facts

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.6, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

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• I threw up again that night, half-afraid that my eyeballs would explode. But it was, by far, more important that I get rid of dinner. Of course, by then, throwing up was the only way I knew how to deal with fear. That paradox would begin to run my life: to know that what you are doing is hurting you, maybe killing you, and to be afraid of that fact--but to cling to the idea that this will save you, it will, in the end, make things okay.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Running, Hurt, Night

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• I developed a deep, abiding fear of jeans, which I still have. I hold my breath and shut my eyes when I pull on a pair in the dressing room, afraid they will now, as then, get stuck at my hips and there I will stand, absurd, staring at the excess of hips that should, if I were a good person, be „slim“.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Eye, Jeans, Excess

  Marya Hornbacher (2014). “Wasted Updated Edition: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia”, p.25, Harper Collins

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• One really ought to be afraid of self-torture. But it tempted me. It begged. The dark place that my mind was fast becoming blends, in my memory, with the dark womb of church: the chant, the fugue of prayer, the strange erotic energy that carving a very small cross into my thigh with a nail had brought.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Prayer, Memories, Dark

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