Jacob M. Appel Quotes

• Catholic extremism should be resisted as fiercely at home as we oppose the Taliban abroad.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Home, Catholic, Should

  "After St. Joseph’s: Are Women Still Safe in Catholic Hospitals?" by Jacob M. Appel, www.huffingtonpost.com. May 16, 2010.

  46 Copy quote

• The most dangerous ideas are not those that challenge the status quo. The most dangerous ideas are those so embedded in the status quo, so wrapped in a cloud of inevitability, that we forget they are ideas at all.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Clouds, Dangerous Ideas, Challenges

  Jacob M. Appel (2014). “Phoning Home: Essays”, p.76, Univ of South Carolina Press

  10 Copy quote

• Never make enemies of anyone younger or healthier than you are. They write your history.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Writing, Enemy

  5 Copy quote

• Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Audience, Persons, Jokes

  Sphinx Society lecture, Brown University (Brown Daily Herald), April 3, 2003.

  4 Copy quote

• If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Men, Thinking, Giving

  "Arborophilia". Play by Jacob M. Appel, 2005.

  6 Copy quote

• Nothing sells tombstones like a Girl Scout in uniform.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Girl, Tombstone, Uniforms

  "Scouting for the Reaper". Virginia Quarterly Review, Summer 2009.

  7 Copy quote

• Life is nasty, brutish, and short. Death is easy.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Nasty, Life Is, Easy

  7 Copy quote

• I would prefer to believe that a market in fetal organs would empower women to use their reproductive capabilities to their own economic advantage.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Believe, Empowering, Use

  "Are We Ready for a Market in Fetal Organs?". www.huffingtonpost.com. April 17, 2009.

  4 Copy quote

• Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Revenge, Winning, People

  6 Copy quote

• Victory [over homophobia] may require five or maybe 20 years. Yet I have no doubt that "don't ask, don't tell" and same-sex adoption bans will be as unspeakable and inexplicable to my grandchildren as counting a slave as three-fifths of a human being.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Sex, Grandchildren, Years

  "Reparations for Gay Americans". The Detroit Free Press, April 07, 2009.

  6 Copy quote

• The boss is never your friend, even if you're sleeping with him.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Sleep, Boss, Ifs

  "Arborophilia". Play by Jacob M. Appel, 2005.

  6 Copy quote

• Depression and hopelessness are not the only reasons terminally ill patients wish to end their lives. Many individuals see nothing undignified about choosing to end their lives at the time and manner of their choosing - and many view such a choice as the meaningful culmination of a good life.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Meaningful, Good Life, Views

  "Is it compassionate to prohibit suicide?". The Baltimore Sun, March 17, 2009.

  8 Copy quote

• If God wanted teenagers to be abstinent, puberty would begin at twenty.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Teenager, Twenties, Wanted

  "The Replacement". Play by Jacob M. Appel, 2008.

  12 Copy quote

• Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Optimistic, Clean Underwear, Ifs

  "Arborophilia". Play by Jacob M. Appel, 2005.

  6 Copy quote

• Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Sex, Spices, Partners

  4 Copy quote

• Maybe life involves the pairing of unsuitable people, those who wait and those who keep others waiting, and the key to happiness is finding the one person with whom you share the same internal chronometer.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Keys, Finding The One, People

  "The Biology of Luck". Book by Jacob Appel, 2013.

  4 Copy quote

• Know your load. That's rule numero uno in this business, which is why I make them count the penguins out in front of me one at a time. I'm not going to be the schmuck who shows up in Orlando twobirds short of a dinner party....I know I'm pulling out of Houston with exactly forty-two Gentoo penguins, seventeen Jamaican land iguanas, four tuataras from New Zealand, and a pair of rare, civet-like mammals called linsangs. No more, no less.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Party, Land, Two

  4 Copy quote

• Even a poor tour guide is entitled to some happiness.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Poor, Guides, Tour Guides

  5 Copy quote

• Much as we do not permit convicted pedophiles to teach kindergarten or convicted hijackers to board airplanes, common sense dictates that individuals who have been imprisoned for plotting violence against abortion clinics should never again be permitted anywhere near such facilities.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Airplane, Common Sense, Abortion

  "The Case for an Anti-Abortion Violence Registry". www.huffingtonpost.com. July 30, 2009.

  7 Copy quote

• I suspect that the vast majority of people, not knowing in advance whether they will either end up in a permanently vegetative state or be diagnosed with cancer, would prefer that any resources that would be spent on PVS care be reallocated to cancer research - or some similar enterprise that has the potential to help human beings who might actually recover.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Cancer, Knowing, People

  "Rational Rationing vs. Irrational Rationing: The Struggle for the Legacy of Ruben Betancourt". www.huffingtonpost.com. June 23, 2010.

  5 Copy quote

• The cold, cruel reality is that with one current justice now approaching ninety, and four others over seventy, the day will inevitably arrive when a sitting justice lies in an intensive care unit, both unable to resign and unable to resume his or her duties.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Lying, Reality, Justice

  "Anticipating the Incapacitated Justice". www.huffingtonpost.com. September 22, 2009.

  54 Copy quote

• The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Sex, Difficult, Persuading

  "The Biology of Luck". Book by Jacob Appel, 2013.

  4 Copy quote

• This is how most stories end in the hospital. Not with crash carts and sirens and electric shocks to the chest, but with an empty room, a crisp white bed, silence.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Electric Shock, Empty Rooms, White

  Jacob M. Appel (2014). “Phoning Home: Essays”, p.62, Univ of South Carolina Press

  4 Copy quote

• I used to dream of true love; now I'm open to false, but convincing.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Dream, Used, Convincing

  4 Copy quote

• If freedom means anything at all, it is the right to primacy in regard to sexuality, reproduction, medical care and death.

  Jacob M. Appel

  Mean, Care, Medical

  "A Culture of Liberty" by Jacob M. Appel, www.huffingtonpost.com. July 21, 2009.

  4 Copy quote

You May Also Like:

Peter Selgin

Chelsea Cain

Robert Olen Butler

Michael Kurland

Donald Barthelme

Stuart Dybek

Esther Duflo

André Aciman