If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.
Test scores and measures of achievement tell you where a student is, but they don't tell you where a student could end up.
Why waste time proving over and over how great you are, when you could be getting better? Why hide deficiencies instead of overcoming them? Why look for friends or partners who will just shore up your self-esteem instead of ones who will also challenge you to grow? And why seek out the tried and true, instead of experiences that will stretch you? The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives.
Becoming is better than being
In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I'm going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here's a chance to grow.
So what should we say when children complete a task—say, math problems—quickly and perfectly? Should we deny them the praise they have earned? Yes. When this happens, I say, “Whoops. I guess that was too easy. I apologize for wasting your time. Let’s do something you can really learn from!
Important achievements require a clear focus, all-out effort, and a bottomless trunk full of strategies. Plus allies in learning.
We like to think of our champions and idols as superheroes who were born different from us. We don’t like to think of them as relatively ordinary people who made themselves extraordinary.
Picture your brain forming new connections as you meet the challenge and learn. Keep on going.
The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it's not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset.
Effort is one of those things that gives meaning to life. Effort means you care about something, that something is important to you and you are willing to work for it.
Teaching is a wonderful way to learn.
I believe ability can get you to the top,” says coach John Wooden, “but it takes character to keep you there.… It’s so easy to … begin thinking you can just ‘turn it on’ automatically, without proper preparation. It takes real character to keep working as hard or even harder once you’re there. When you read about an athlete or team that wins over and over and over, remind yourself, ‘More than ability, they have character.'
This point is . . . crucial,” writes Dweck. “In the fixed mindset, everything is about the outcome. If you fail — or if you’re not the best — it’s all been wasted. The growth mindset allows people to value what they’re doing regardless of the outcome.
More and more research is suggesting that, far from being simply encoded in the genes, much of personality is a flexible and dynamic thing that changes over the life span and is shaped by experience.
The whole point of marriage is to encourage your partner's development and have them encourage yours.
Just because some people can do something with little or no training, it doesn't mean that others can't do it (and sometimes do it even better) with training.
Your failures and misfortunes don't threaten other people. . .It's your assets and your successes that are problems for people who derive their self-esteem from being superior.
Wow, that's a really good score. You must have worked really hard.
A company that cannot self-correct cannot thrive.
Vowing, even intense vowing, is often useless. The next day comes and the next day goes. What works is making a vivid, concrete plan.
What did you learn today? What mistake did you make that taught you something? What did you try hard at today?
This is hard. This is fun.
What can I learn from this? What will I do next time I'm in this situation?
Choosing a partner is choosing a set of problems. There are no problem-free candidates.
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