Humorous Quotes - Page 7

• Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

  Pancho Villa

  Inspirational, Witty, Military

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

  Sacha Guitry

  Inspirational, Witty, Powerful

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  29 Copy quote

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• I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

  Elayne Boosler

  Inspirational, Funny, Women

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  26 Copy quote

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• Selfish men make the best lovers. They're prepared to invest in the women's pleasures so that they can collect an even bigger dividend for themselves.

  J. G. Ballard

  Funny, Best Love, Selfish

  "Cocaine Nights". Book by J. G. Ballard, 1996.

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• A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Men, Gold

  Charles Dickens (1844). “The Life and Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit”, p.335, Chapman and Hall

  5 Copy quote

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• Why don't you write books people can read?(to her husband James)

  Nora Barnacle

  Witty, Husband, Book

  16 Copy quote

• Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.40, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  80 Copy quote

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• If you must make a noise, make it quietly.

  Oliver Hardy

  Funny, Noise, Quiet

  78 Copy quote

• Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

  Woody Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, God

  12 Copy quote
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  Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.

  Channing Tatum

  Funny, Life, Beautiful

  136 Copy quote

• Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon, there lived a King who was very Gloomy on Tuesday mornings because he was so Sad thinking about how Unhappy he had been on Monday and how completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday.

  Walt Kelly

  Friday, Monday, Morning

  53 Copy quote

• Always enter like a kitten and leave like a lion. But NEVER enter like a lion and leave like a kitten. Always be humble.

  Carlson Gracie

  Inspirational, Funny, Sports

  64 Copy quote

• I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Inspirational, Funny, Change

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  31 Copy quote

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• The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

  Salvador Dali

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  26 Copy quote

• If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

  Alice Roosevelt Longworth

  Funny, Witty, Nice

  132 Copy quote

• The only church that illuminates is a burning church.

  Buenaventura Durruti

  Funny, Religious, Illumination

  "The Monstrosity of Christ : Paradox or Dialectic?". Book by Creston Davis, 2009.

  60 Copy quote

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• I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

  A. Whitney Brown

  Funny, Sarcastic, Hate

  46 Copy quote

• Each problem that I solved became a rule, which served afterwards to solve other problems.

  Rene Descartes

  Success, Witty, Learning

  "Discourse on the Method". Book by Rene Descartes (Part 2), 1637.

  109 Copy quote

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• If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Funny, Witty, Revenge

  Laurence J. Peter (1979). “Peter's people”, W. Morrow

  33 Copy quote

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  Give me a museum and I'll fill it.

  Pablo Picasso

  Witty, Powerful, Museums

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  41 Copy quote

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• The truth is more important than the facts.

  Frank Lloyd Wright

  Wise, Witty, Truth

  Frank Lloyd Wright (2014). “Letters to Architects”, p.170, Elsevier

  88 Copy quote

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• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Hilarious, Stupid People

  236 Copy quote

• Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

  Mark Twain

  Music, Witty, Profound

  Autobiography (published in 1924).

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• There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling

  Robert Breault

  Funny, Witty

  15 Copy quote

• There's nothing on it worthwhile, and we're not going to watch it in this household, and I don't want it in your intellectual diet.

  Philo Farnsworth

  Funny, Intellectual, Television

  151 Copy quote