Yossarian Quotes

• So many things were testing his faith. There was the Bible, of course, but the Bible was a book, and so were Bleak House, Treasure Island, Ethan Frome and The Last of the Mohicans. Did it then seem probable, as he had once overheard Dunbar ask, that the answers to riddles of creation would be supplied by people too ignorant to understand the mechanics of rainfall? Had Almighty God, in all His infinite wisdom, really been afraid that men six thousand years ago would succeed in building a tower to heaven?

  Joseph Heller

  Book, Men, Islands

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• I’m not running away from my responsibilities. I’m running to them. There’s nothing negative about running away to save my life.

  Joseph Heller

  Running, Responsibility, Negative

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.414, Simon and Schuster

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• They're trying to kill me," Yossarian told him calmly. No one's trying to kill you," Clevinger cried. Then why are they shooting at me?" Yossarian asked. They're shooting at everyone," Clevinger answered. "They're trying to kill everyone." And what difference does that make?

  Joseph Heller

  Differences, Trying, Doe

  Joseph Heller (2010). “Catch-22: 50th Anniversary Edition”, p.34, Simon and Schuster

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• There was only one catch and that was Catch22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask, and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.

  Joseph Heller

  Crazy, Real, Safety

  Catch-22 ch. 5 (1961).

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• You have deep-seated survival anxieties. And you don't like bigots, bullies, snobs or hypocrites. Subconsciously there are many people you hate." "Consciously, sir, consciously," Yossarian corrected in an effort to help. "I hate them consciously.

  Joseph Heller

  Hate, Hypocrite, People

  Joseph Heller (2010). “Catch-22: 50th Anniversary Edition”, p.395, Simon and Schuster

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• The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

  Joseph Heller

  Death, Suicide, Wisdom

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.122, Simon and Schuster

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• It doesn't make a damned bit of difference who wins the war to someone who's dead.

  Joseph Heller

  War, Winning, Differences

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.122, Simon and Schuster

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• From now on I'm thinking only of me." Major Danby replied indulgently with a superior smile: "But, Yossarian, suppose everyone felt that way." "Then," said Yossarian, "I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?

  Joseph Heller

  Thinking, Way, Fool

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.409, Simon and Schuster

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• Where were you born?" "On a battlefield," [Yossarian] answered. "No, no. In what state were you born?" "In a state of innocence.

  Joseph Heller

  Innocence, States, Born

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• The enemy," retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, "is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.

  Joseph Heller

  Enemy, Might, Matter

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.122, Simon and Schuster

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• History did not demand Yossarian's premature demise, justice could be satisfied without it, progress did not hinge upon it, victory did not depend on it. That men would die was a matter of necessity; WHICH men would die, though, was a matter of circumstance, and Yossarian was willing to be the victim of anything but circumstance. But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

  Joseph Heller

  Children, War, Men

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.72, Simon and Schuster

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• Man was matter, that was Snowden's secret. Drop him out a window, and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot, like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret. Ripeness was all.

  Joseph Heller

  Fall, Men, Fire

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.404, Simon and Schuster

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• But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

  Joseph Heller

  Children, War, Parent

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.72, Simon and Schuster

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• They can do anything we can't stop them from doing.

  Joseph Heller

  War, Drug, Can Do

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• How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?

  Joseph Heller

  Running, Evil, People

  Catch-22 ch. 18 (1961)

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• I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning

  Joseph Heller

  Dark, Night, Knives

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.83, Simon and Schuster

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• But the God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God. He's not the mean and stupid God you make him out to be.

  Joseph Heller

  Stupid, Believe, Mean

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.172, Simon and Schuster

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• Yossarian was cold, too, and shivering uncontrollably. He felt goose pimples clacking all over him as he gazed down despondently at the grim secret Snowden had spilled all over the messy floor. It was easy to read the message in his entrails. Man was matter, that was Snowden's secret. Drop him out a window and he'll fall. Set fire to him and he'll burn. Bury him and he'll rot, like other kinds of garbage. The spirit gone, man is garbage. That was Snowden's secret. Ripeness was all. I'm cold,' Snowden said. 'I'm cold.

  Joseph Heller

  Fall, Men, Fire

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.404, Simon and Schuster

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• One hand washes the other.

  Seneca the Younger

  Latin, Hands, Unity

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• When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made of it instead, His sheer incompetence is almost staggering.

  Joseph Heller

  Funny, God, Jobs

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.172, Simon and Schuster

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• That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed. It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.

  Joseph Heller

  Catch 22 Important

  Catch-22 (1961) ch. 5 (the first chapter of this novel was published as Catch-18 in New World Writing (1955) No. 7 - see Kiley and MacDonald "Catch-22" Casebook (1973) 294)

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• The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.

  Joseph Heller

  Country, Exercise, Rights

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.373, Simon and Schuster

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• To Yossarian, the idea of pennants as prizes was absurd. No money went with them, no class privileges. Like Olympic medals and tennis trophies, all they signified was that the owner had done something of no benefit to anyone more capably than everyone else.

  Joseph Heller

  Ideas, Class, Tennis

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.75, Simon and Schuster

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• Nately had a bad start. He came from a good family.

  Joseph Heller

  Good Family

  Joseph Heller (1999). “Catch-22: A Novel”, p.22, Simon and Schuster

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• The frog is almost five hundred million years old. Could you really say with much certainty that America, with all its strength and prosperity, with its fighting man that is second to none, and with its standard of living that is highest in the world, will last as long as...the frog?

  Joseph Heller

  Fighting, Men, Years

  Joseph Heller (2010). “Catch-22: 50th Anniversary Edition”, p.318, Simon and Schuster

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