Stupid Funny Quotes

• It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

  Sam Levenson

  Inspirational, Funny, Wise

  Sam Levenson (2016). “You Don't Have to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What: The Choice Wit and Wisdom of Sam Levenson”, p.86, Open Road Media

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• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Barbie

  45 Copy quote

• The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

  Harlan Ellison

  Funny, Life, Stupid

  Harlan Ellison, Arnie Fenner (2011). “Bugf#ck: The Useless Wit & Wisdom of Harlan Ellison”

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• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humor, Beer

  145 Copy quote

• If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

  Dan Quayle

  Funny, Running, Stupid

  44 Copy quote

• Relationships are like farting, If you push too hard things could get messy real fast.

  Kevin Hart

  Real, Messy, Hard

  FaceBook post by Kevin Hart from Jan 03, 2012

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• You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours.

  Yogi Berra

  Funny, Death, Hilarious

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

  Albert Einstein

  Witty, Clever, Creativity

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman.

  Arnold Schwarzenegger

  Marriage, Stupid, Gay

  "Schwarzenegger on abortion, gays, environment". edition.cnn.com. August 28, 2003.

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• I've never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don't like eating fish and I know that's very popular out there in Africa.

  Britney Spears

  Stupid, Japan, Eating

  "Did I say that?" compiled by John Hind, www.theguardian.com. September 13, 2008.

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• I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them.

  George H. W. Bush

  Funny, Strong, Stupid

  26 Copy quote

• Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

  Brooke Shields

  Funny, Life, Witty

  Testimony at House of Representatives hearings on cigarette advertising, 25 June 1981

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• If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

  Yogi Berra

  Funny, Happiness, Baseball

  Yogi: It Ain't Over (1989)

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• The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.

  Dizzy Dean

  Funny, Baseball, Stupid

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Education

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

  Albert Einstein

  Funny, Hilarious, Education

  Albert Einstein (2015). “Bite-Size Einstein: Quotations on Just About Everything from the Greatest Mind of the Twentieth Century”, p.32, St. Martin's Press

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• Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.

  Mariah Carey

  Funny, Money, Stupid

  "The X Factor - Mariah Carey night - LIVE!!!" by Heidi Stephens, www.theguardian.com. November 8, 2008.

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• I owe a lot to my parents, especially by mother and my father.

  Greg Norman

  Sports, Mother, Father

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

  Bertrand Russell

  Inspirational, Success, Confidence

  137 Copy quote

• We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

  Jason Kidd

  Teamwork, Sports, Witty

  27 Copy quote

• Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

  George W. Bush

  Country, Witty, Peace

  George W. Bush “Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States, George W. Bush, 2004, Book 2, July 1 to September 30, 2004”, Government Printing Office

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• Is this chicken what I have or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea.

  Jessica Simpson

  Stupid, Tuna Fish, Sea

  "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica". www.imdb.com. 2003.

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• Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

  Marion Barry

  Funny, Country, Crazy

  Quoted in Chicago Tribune, 28 Mar. 1989

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• I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.

  George W. Bush

  Stupid, Silly, Inspiration

  13 Copy quote

• Mere animals couldn’t possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid.

  Terry Pratchett

  Stupid, Animal, Pyramids

  Terry Pratchett (2008). “Pyramids: (Discworld Novel 7)”, p.165, Random House

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