Aren't most of us dealing with the fact that we have moms who either weren't ready to be moms or had some level of resentment about it? Everybody is dealing with the different iteration of pain their mom has handed them.
Be kind and gentle on yourself. In this fast-paced world, we are so hard on ourselves and impatient with healing. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to speed up the process. Sure, you can numb the pain or distract yourself, but if you don't allow yourself to process the emotion in a healthy way, the pain and darkness just gets buried deep inside you, and eventually comes up in your future relationships. Stop blaming yourself, and instead try to look for the lesson and the growth opportunity.
I've learned that each time you go through a breakup, the pain isn't any more or less intense or hard, but the way you process and get back up can be different when you learn the tools to get yourself back to equilibrium. There are so many lessons that can be learned during times of heartbreak, and there's an opportunity to grow and become more emotionally healthy.
Get support and be surrounded by people who love you. Sit with the discomfort and the emotions instead of distracting yourself and numbing the pain, or it will just haunt you in another form in the future. Don't be afraid of the pain and darkness. There's information there. There's a lesson to be learned. You can use the experience as a catalyst for growth.
When you hit the unimaginable, the only answer is imaginativeness. You have to heal with the person that you're suffering with. You have to write a new chapter in your story. A relationship can be a sacred thing, but it's going to be difficult. There are going to be challenges. You are going to have pain. But working it through and being resilient is as sacred and meaningful as having a "Hollywood" romance.
Anytime that we - and when I say "we," I mean feminine people, trans feminine folk, women - do anything that is centered on our own pleasure or desire, it's seen as frivolous. But learning how to love your own body and finding pleasure in something that has brought you pain [in the past] is so important. I think that it's probably a greater struggle for trans folk, because we struggle more with our bodies.
The messaging campaign that stigmatized the term feminist definitely worked on me when I was a teenager. I always believed in equality, but there's such intense pressure to be cool and not alienate boys, to not be a pain in the ass - to not be "that kind of woman."
I tend not to attempt to describe pain. I don't feel I can comprehend or re-create the personal suffering of others, so I simply try to tell what happened, or what I imagine happened. I also think it helps to let the reader fill in a lot of the blanks. Melodrama is patronizing. With a straightforward statement, readers can figure out for themselves what's going on.
The minute we have a pain, we want a diagnosis. So I think the minute we feel love, it's very hard to just let it be. We want to identify it, we want to catalog it, we want to keep the thing and create the environment it happened in. That's where marriage comes from! Let's make an institution out of it!
It pains me, it really does, to learn that there are people that hate America. I wish there was something I could do about it. I don't want young people to be taken down the wrong path and taught to feel guilty or ashamed of their country, which is happening in way too many public schools.
I don't do costumes, I don't do sh_t like that. I love Halloween as a concept, but do I actually go out and do things? No. Trick or treating? Pain in the ass. Hate answering the door all night long. I do love fall, which is bad because I live in Los Angeles.
But when I learned about the dangers of rejection or attack, I thought, it's time to change this. What if we faced any pain we had caused each other and, instead of rejection or attack, could we listen? Could we forgive? Could we merge?
With the royal family, you don't want to see them as people because it takes the sheen off. They're distant, you can idealize them. But there's room to have compassion for people and see them as human beings. Just because they're royalty, it doesn't mean they don't love, or feel loss, or feel pain.
I hope 'Warning: This Drug May Kill You' documentary helps to show the humanity of the people who are struggling with the brain disease of addiction because that is what this is - this isn't about bad people, this is about good people who became addiction oftentimes in the process of being prescribed medication for pain.
In 1999, Purdue Pharma the maker of OxyContin went on a massive marketing campaign. Back then, prescription opioids were only used in extreme cases - post surgery, end of life care, cancer pain. We use a clip from an ad in the film where they had a doctor saying, "Less than 1 percent of people who use prescription opioid long-term will become addicted" - that changed the mindset of physicians across the country.
I want to make it clear, though, that I am not trying to say these are bad drugs. Opioid medications in the short term for severe pain are very effective. The problem is when they are used for long-term chronic pain. No one wants anyone to suffer and be in pain. But realize how addictive these drugs are and get off of them as quickly as you can. So 'Warning: This Drug May Kill You' is really more about educating people about these drugs so that everyone can make their own decision about their pain versus the addictive nature of these drugs.
Life expectancy for middle-aged white women has dropped dramatically over the past decade. Researchers didn't understand what was going on and so they were studying it and then very recently they realized it is driven by opioids. Why is that? They say now that it is because women are more likely to see a doctor for pain.
When Donald Trump campaigned for president, he told the American people that he would be a different type of Republican, that he would take on the political and economic establishment, that he would stand up for working people, that he understood the pain that families all across this country were experiencing. Well, sadly, it was just cheap and dishonest campaign rhetoric that was meant to get votes, nothing more than that.
Really, when you get down to racism, in or out of the church, it's a heart issue. It's not a head issue. When we actually get to experience each other's ministry, and each other's struggle, and each other's pain, there's a much greater sensitivity.
Once you are sincere in your fast, you have a sensitivity to the hurt and pain of others who are poor, who are not eating well, who are in areas where there is drought and other calamities.
It's always uneven, love; it's unbalanced and it's obviously even worse when it comes to someone wanting to part from someone who isn't willing to. It's often feeling hurt that you've never felt before and you want somebody else to feel that pain and also not wanting to let go, because when you let go you've got to start living your life again and it consumes people.
I'm just free. And I can express my sensuality. I can express my pain, vulnerability, my strength. All of those things. Because I had a sheltered upbringing doesn't mean I haven't been a woman. I'm a woman that has had life experiences.
I think that it's a great idea to have honest conversations about children before getting married. I also think it's impossible to promise someone, "What I want right now will never change, and as long as I promise you I do - or don't - want a child - or a specific number of children - before we get married, we will never have to experience fear, anxiety, uncertainty, or the pain of not getting what we want, when we want it.
I subscribe to the great George G. Scott quote, "All actors are in trouble. Directors who don't help are a pain in the ass". We all need help from directors. We are all equally insecure.
The big change that's happened for me in terms of my own life and how outsidership is reflected in my work is that I used to feel extraordinarily isolated in my life as I was trying to figure out who I was and how to have intimate relationships. And so my central characters also were isolated and usually in quite a bit of pain.
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