Mallory Ortberg Quotes

Quotes about:

• Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Thinking, Feet, Broken

  "Zero". Live chat, www.slate.com. March 15, 2016.

  12 Copy quote

• It can't hurt to have a backup.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Hurt, Backup

  "Permission Slip" by Mallory Ortberg, www.slate.com. January 4, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

• So many people choose silence after the immediate wake of a death out of fear of saying something out of turn or "bringing up bad memories" that bereaved people often feel forgotten.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Memories, People, Silence

  "Gone From the Chapel". "Dear Prudence" with Mallory Ortberg, www.slate.com. March 22, 2016.

  10 Copy quote

• You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Opportunity, Missing, Care

  "I Think She's in Love" by Daniel Mallory Ortberg, www.slate.com. February 2, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

• If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, "Yes, it bothers me." Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Thinking, Secret, Resentment

  Source: www.slate.com

  6 Copy quote

• Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.

  Mallory Ortberg

  People, Challenges, Doe

  "Good Walls Make Good Neighbors". Interview with Daniel Mallory Ortberg, www.slate.com. August 9, 2016.

  8 Copy quote

• If this is something you'd truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating, there are a wealth of resources out there for the enthusiastic amateur (you are far from the only would-be blow-jobber whose spirit is willing but gag reflex is weak). You have more options than "no blow jobs, ever" and "regular whole-hog sessions to completion that result in vomiting."

  Mallory Ortberg

  Jobs, Blow, Guilt

  "Open Shut Case" by Mallory Ortberg, www.slate.com. December 22, 2015.

  10 Copy quote

• Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Party, Asks, Reconciliation

  Source: www.slate.com

  15 Copy quote

• Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Children, People, Secret

  "Do It for the Kids". Live Chat, www.slate.com. December 21, 2015.

  4 Copy quote

• As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Sex, Jobs, Blow

  "Open Shut Case" by Mallory Ortberg, www.slate.com. December 22, 2015.

  4 Copy quote

• I think that it's a great idea to have honest conversations about children before getting married. I also think it's impossible to promise someone, "What I want right now will never change, and as long as I promise you I do - or don't - want a child - or a specific number of children - before we get married, we will never have to experience fear, anxiety, uncertainty, or the pain of not getting what we want, when we want it.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Children, Pain, Thinking

  Source: www.slate.com

  4 Copy quote

• It's one thing to be a high achiever; it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the "misfortune" to drive a bus for a living.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Girlfriend, Bus, Achiever

  "I Think She's in Love". Live chat, www.slate.com. February 2, 2016.

  8 Copy quote

• Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Perfectly Normal, Feet, Height

  "Telltale Hurt". Live chat, www.slate.com. February 1, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

• Your partner cannot fault you for refusing to host a perpetual-motion party or for the fact that you must sleep and will eventually die.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Party, Sleep, Faults

  "Do It for the Kids". Chat live with readers, www.slate.com. December 21, 2015.

  4 Copy quote

• Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Heart, Doe, Disease

  "Do It for the Kids". Live Chat, www.slate.com. December 21, 2015.

  5 Copy quote

• I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Levels, Sexuality, Lows

  "I Think She's in Love" by Mallory Ortberg, www.slate.com. February 2, 2016.

  7 Copy quote

• To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Gay, Challenges, Language

  "Die, Bundle of Twigs!" by Mallory Ortberg, www.slate.com. January 5, 2016.

  18 Copy quote

• Periodontal bacteria can easily slip into the bloodstream and cause infection elsewhere in the body.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Body, Bacteria, Causes

  "For Name's Sake". Live Chat, www.slate.com. January 20, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

• Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Order, People, Giving

  "Permission Slip". Live Chat, www.slate.com. January 4, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

• Bad dental hygiene can lead to respiratory infections and an increased risk for heart disease and strokes.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Heart, Hygiene, Risk

  "For Name's Sake". Live Chat, www.slate.com. January 20, 2016.

  12 Copy quote

• Arm yourself with as many options as possible before making your next move.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Moving, Next Move, Arms

  Source: www.slate.com

  5 Copy quote

• It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Fun

  Source: www.slate.com

  4 Copy quote

• If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is "don't go to potlucks," not "insist other people don't have them."

  Mallory Ortberg

  People, Problem, Potluck

  "Open Shut Case". Live chat, www.slate.com. December 22, 2015.

  16 Copy quote

• Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Dream, Beats

  "Even if It Kills Me". Live chat, www.slate.com. March 16, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

• Someone who responds to "Please don't grope me" with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.

  Mallory Ortberg

  Predator, Pouting, Whining

  "Gone From the Chapel". "Dear Prudence" with Mallory Ortberg, www.slate.com. March 22, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

Page 1 of 4

← Prev

1

2

3

4

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin