Funny Wedding Advice Quotes

• Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Marriage, Pain

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.86, Crown Archetype

  34 Copy quote

  Show source

• I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

  Lyndon B. Johnson

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  120 Copy quote

• I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

  Red Skelton

  Inspiration, Divorce, Names

  68 Copy quote

• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

  Henny Youngman

  Love, Anniversary, Marriage

  Forbes Magazine, Volume 166 (p. 156), 2000.

  75 Copy quote

  Show source

• Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  Quoted in Newsweek, 28 Mar. 1960

  30 Copy quote

  Show source

• Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

  Joyce Brothers

  Love, Marriage, Spiritual

  32 Copy quote

• Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

  Billy Connolly

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  Twitter post from Sep 12, 2011

  19 Copy quote

  Show source

• When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.

  Joseph Campbell

  Love, Relationship, Anniversary

  Joseph Campbell, Bill Moyers (2011). “The Power of Myth”, p.7, Anchor

  87 Copy quote

  Show source

• Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give.

  Cass Daley

  Marriage, Wedding, Women

  7 Copy quote

• My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.

  Armistead Maupin

  Marriage, Mother, Couple

  Armistead Maupin (1989). “Tales of the city ; More tales of the city ; Further tales of the city: an omnibus”, Vintage

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

  Ogden Nash

  Relationship, Marriage, Funny Birthday

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

  Show source

• Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

  Jean Kerr

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  Jean Kerr (1962). “The Snake Has all the Lines”

  26 Copy quote

  Show source

• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Relationship, Anniversary

  90 Copy quote

• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  259 Copy quote

• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  Erma Bombeck

  Love, Marriage, Funny Relationship

  22 Copy quote

• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Family, Marriage, Funny Love

  Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1738

  42 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Love, Relationship, Anniversary

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.32, BookBaby

  155 Copy quote

  Show source

• Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

  Minnie Pearl

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  28 Copy quote

• Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

  Maryon Pearson

  Marriage, Sarcastic, Wedding

  49 Copy quote

• Husbands are like fires - they go out when they're left unattended.

  Cher

  Love, Husband, Fire

  21 Copy quote

• The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

  Groucho Marx

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  69 Copy quote

  Show source

• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

  34 Copy quote

  Show source

• Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

  Ogden Nash

  Inspirational, Life, Marriage

  Ogden Nash, “A Word To Husbands”

  73 Copy quote

  Show source

• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  H.L. Mencken “A little book in C major”, Рипол Классик

  26 Copy quote

  Show source

• Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

  Georg C. Lichtenberg

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  22 Copy quote