Funny Hockey Quotes

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.

Gordie Howe

Sports, Hockey, Player

100 Copy quote
High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing......everything else is just figure skating.

Scotty Bowman

Funny, Fighting, Hockey

56 Copy quote
A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.

Wayne Gretzky

Sports, Athlete, Hockey

141 Copy quote
I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.

Wayne Gretzky

Inspirational, Motivational, Change

Wayne Gretzky (2000). “99 My Life in Pictures”, Mint Pub

168 Copy quote

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Is hockey hard? I don't know, you tell me. We need to have the strength and power of a football player, the stamina of a marathon runner, and the concentration of a brain surgeon. But we need to put all this together while moving at high speeds on a cold and slippery surface while 5 other guys use clubs to try and kill us. Oh yeah, did I mention that this whole time we're standing on blades 1/8 of an inch thick? Is ice hockey hard? I don't know, you tell me. Next question.

Brendan Shanahan

Inspirational, Motivational, Strength

244 Copy quote
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records.

Bob Plager

Funny, Hockey, Player

47 Copy quote
Half the game is mental, the other half is being mental.

Jim McKenny

Inspirational, Hockey, Nhl

54 Copy quote
Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.

Doug Larson

Hockey, Nhl, Ice

8 Copy quote
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Rodney Dangerfield

Sports, Fighting, Hockey

65 Copy quote
I play a position where you make mistakes. The only people that don't make them at a hockey game are the people watching.

Patrick Roy

Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

71 Copy quote
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Wayne Gretzky

Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

118 Copy quote
How would you like a job where, if you made a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?

Jacques Plante

Jobs, Mistake, Hockey

14 Copy quote
We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even have to go to the hospital.

Brad Park

Jobs, Hockey, Nhl

45 Copy quote
Yeah, I'm cocky and I am arrogant. But that doesn't mean I'm not a nice person.

Jeremy Roenick

Nice, Cocky, Mean

10 Copy quote
When we've got the puck, they can't score.

Paul Coffey

Hockey, Nhl, Puck

9 Copy quote
By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of an NHL playoff series.

Steve Rushin

Hockey, Nhl, Games

9 Copy quote
Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all, it keeps them off the street.

Gus Kyle

Kids, Hockey, Energetic

9 Copy quote
Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded - accordion-style - back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.

Steve Rushin

Hockey, Nhl, Style

47 Copy quote
Hockey captures the essence of Canadian experience in the New World. In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the chance of life, and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter we are alive.

Stephen Leacock

Hockey, Winter, Nhl

20 Copy quote
I was a multi-millionaire from playing hockey. Then I got divorced, and now I'm a millionaire.

Bobby Hull

Hockey, Millionaire, Divorced

11 Copy quote
I tried to talk my daughter out of going with a hockey player but, he's a good kid. He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her. I said: You want to what? I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time.

Phil Esposito

Daughter, Kids, Hockey

51 Copy quote
One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus.

Glenn Healy

Hockey, Nhl, Driving

8 Copy quote
That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my (expletive) clothes.

Stu Grimson

Hockey, Names, Clothes

8 Copy quote
It's not who wins the fight that's important, it's being willing to fight. If you get challenged and renege, everyone wants to take a shot at you.

Barclay Plager

Fighting, Hockey, Winning

11 Copy quote
On his attempt at the Edmonton Oilers empty net: I guess they respect my shot because they were all ready at the blue line.

Patrick Roy

Hockey, Blue, Edmonton

11 Copy quote