Funny Harry Potter Quotes

• Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business. Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git. Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor. Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.

  J. K. Rowling

  Humor, Good Day, Hair

  17 Copy quote

• Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies?

  J. K. Rowling

  Butterfly, Spiders, Harry Potter Movie

  19 Copy quote

• Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt.

  J. K. Rowling

  Troll, Speak, Grunt

  36 Copy quote

• Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have.

  J. K. Rowling

  Mean, Emotional, Inspirational Harry Potter

  18 Copy quote

• Where is Wood?" said Harry, suddenly realizing he wasn't there. "Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself.

  J. K. Rowling

  Thinking, Trying, Woods

  68 Copy quote

• He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.

  J. K. Rowling

  Running, Humor, Shampoo

  "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows". Book by J. K. Rowling, July 21, 2007.

  12 Copy quote

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• I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing... maybe you've got to attack him while he's in the shower, Harry.

  J. K. Rowling

  Singing, Showers, Weasley

  77 Copy quote

• Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.

  J. K. Rowling

  Stupid, Draco Malfoy, Honestly

  J. K. Rowling (1999). “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”, Raincoast Books

  79 Copy quote

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• You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge.

  J. K. Rowling

  Stupid, Humor, Thinking

  71 Copy quote

• What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally the whole school knows.

  J. K. Rowling

  School, Secret, Dungeons

  "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone". Book by J. K. Rowling, June 26, 1997.

  20 Copy quote

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• Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?

  J. K. Rowling

  Soul, Departed, Excuse

  "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince". Book by J. K. Rowling, 2005.

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• Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother?

  J. K. Rowling

  Mother, Honestly, George Weasley

  75 Copy quote

• What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?” “Oh no, Ron,” came Fred’s voice, very sarcastically. “No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up.

  J. K. Rowling

  Voice, Gone, Ends

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”, p.45, Pottermore

  68 Copy quote

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• Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe.

  J. K. Rowling

  Blunt, Sensitivity, Shows

  7 Copy quote

• Oh, that,' said Ginny, giggling. 'Well-Percy's got a girlfriend.' Fred dropped a stack of books on George's head. 'What?' 'It's that Ravenclaw prefect, Penelope Clearwater,' said Ginny. 'That's who he was writing to all last summer. He's been meeting her all over the school in secret. I walked in on them kissing in an empty classroom one day. He was so upset when she was-you know-attacked. You won't tease him, will you?' she added anxiously. 'Wouldn't dream of it,' said Fred, who was looking like his birthday had come early.

  J. K. Rowling

  Summer, Dream, Girlfriend

  10 Copy quote

• Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!

  J. K. Rowling

  Funny, Boys, Wizards

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”, p.49, Pottermore

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• We did it, we bashed them wee Potter's the one, and Voldy's gone moldy, so now let's have fun!

  J. K. Rowling

  Fun, Gone, Potters

  16 Copy quote

• Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?" "Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious.

  J. K. Rowling

  Uncles, Crazy, Aunt

  10 Copy quote

• Because that's what Hermione does,' said Ron, shrugging. 'When in doubt, go to the library.

  J. K. Rowling

  Doubt, Library, Doe

  J. K. Rowling (1999). “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets”, Raincoast Books

  18 Copy quote

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• Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy-" "Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in turn. "Absolutely spiffing." Percy scowled. "That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley. "Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seizing her hand too. "How really corking to see you-

  J. K. Rowling

  Boys, Hands, Way

  "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban". Book by J. K. Rowling, July 8, 1999.

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• This is night, Diddykins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this.

  J. K. Rowling

  Dark, Night

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”, p.20, Pottermore

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• I think I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up - it always does in the end.

  J. K. Rowling

  Thinking, Waiting, Doe

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• Why were you lurking under our window?" "Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?" "Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice. His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage. "Listening to the news! Again?" "Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.

  J. K. Rowling

  Uncles, Aunt, Boys

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”, p.13, Pottermore

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• How do you feel, Georgie?" whispered Mrs. Weasley. George's fingers groped for the side of his head. "Saintlike," he murmured. "What's wrong with him?" croaked Fred, looking terrified. "Is his mind affected?" "Saintlike," repeated George, opening his eyes and looking up at his brother. "You see...I'm HOLEY, Fred, geddit?

  J. K. Rowling

  Brother, Humor, Eye

  J.K. Rowling (2015). “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”, p.70, Pottermore

  24 Copy quote

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• Harry witnessed Professor McGonagall walking right past Peeves who was determinedly loosening a crystal chandelier and could have sworn he heard her tell the poltergeist out of the corner of her mouth 'It unscrews the other way.

  J. K. Rowling

  Past, Way, Crystals

  65 Copy quote