Funny Graduation Quotes - Page 4

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  Wherever you go, go with all your heart.

  Confucius

  Inspirational, Happiness, Graduation

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• Try never to be the smartest person in the room. And if you are, I suggest you invite smarter people... or find a different room. In professional circles it's called networking. In organizations it's called team building. And in life it's called family, friends, and community. We are all gifts to each other, and my own growth as a leader has shown me again and again that the most rewarding experiences come from my relationships.

  Michael Dell

  Graduation, Team, Memorable

  Michael Dell's commencement address to University of Texas at Austin, www.graduationwisdom.com. May 2003.

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  Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

  John Wooden

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  "The Wizard's wisdom: 'Woodenisms'", www.espn.com. June 4, 2010.

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• Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

  Will Rogers

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "The Graduation Speech I'd Give, if Anyone Asked" by Karina Bland, www.azcentral.com. June 03, 2015.

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• Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women.

  Nora Ephron

  Inspirational, Motivational, Graduation

  "What graduation speeches can teach you about life" by Natasha Lunn, www.redonline.co.uk. April 15, 2015.

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• In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.'

  Eugene Mirman

  Dirty, Talking, Telephones

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• I can tell you how bad our boards are... I don't have to watch Saturday Night Live anymore; I just go to the board meetings.

  Carl Icahn

  Night, Watches, Boards

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• When you work for other people you'll find ... that they do know what's best for them, and for the company. And you should listen to them and be respectful, but they don't know what's best for you.

  Mike Judge

  People, Respectful, Should

  "Advice From the Best Celebrity Commencement Speeches Ever" by Ashley Lee, www.hollywoodreporter.com. March 30, 2015.

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• Your education is a dress rehearsal for a life that is yours to lead.

  Nora Ephron

  Graduation, Education, Inspire

  FaceBook post by Nora Ephron from May 24, 2016

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• When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate...because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.

  Barney Frank

  Grateful, Swim, Yards

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  Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

  Bernard Baruch

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

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  Go, and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.

  Neil Gaiman

  Inspirational, Graduation, Mistake

  Neil Gaiman's Commencement Address at The University of the Arts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, www.uarts.edu. May 17, 2012.

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• There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

  Josh Groban

  Funny, Stars, Rocks

  VH1.com, November 23, 2003.

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• I've observed a few things about the few really great people I've had a chance to meet and cover...They need to be around people. You and I require sleep. They require people.

  David Brooks

  Sleep, People, Needs

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• Now I usually try not to give advice. Information, yes, advice, no. But, what has worked for me may not work for you. Well, take for instance what has worked for me. Wigs. Tight clothes. Push up bras.

  Dolly Parton

  Clothes, Giving, Advice

  "Puff Daddy Delivers Howard University Commencement Speech, But How Does It Rank?" by Emma Goddard, www.bustle.com. May 11, 2014.

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• Responsibility to yourself means that you don't fall for shallow and easy solutions-it means that you refuse to sell your talents and aspirations short.

  Adrienne Rich

  Fall, Mean, Responsibility

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• Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.

  Bill Cosby

  Jobs, Pay, Students

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• In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say "congratulations.

  Stephen Colbert

  Zoos, Congratulations, Class

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• As you leave these gates and re-enter society, one thing is certain: Everyone out there is going to hate you. Never tell anyone in a roadside diner that you went to Harvard. In most situations the correct response to where did you go to school is, "School? Why, I never had much in the way of book learnin' and such." Then, get in your BMW and get the hell out of there.

  Conan O'Brien

  Graduation, Hate, Book

  Conan O'Brien's commencement speech to the Class of Harvard University, www.youtube.com. 2000.

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• As you set off into the world, don't be afraid to question your leaders. But don't ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.

  Will Ferrell

  Tired, Leader, World

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• I’ve been waiting more than 30 years to say this: “Dad, I always told you I’d come back and get my degree.” I want to thank Harvard for this timely honor. I’ll be changing my job next year … and it will be nice to finally have a college degree on my resume.

  Bill Gates

  Graduation, Jobs, Dad

  Bill Gates' Commencement Address at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts, news.harvard.edu. June 7, 2007.

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• Make no mistake about it, you are dumb. You’re a group of incredibly well-educated dumb people. I was there. We all were there. You’re barely functional. There are some screw-ups headed your way. I wish I could tell you that there was a trick to avoiding the screw-ups, but the screw-ups, they’re a-coming for ya. It’s a combination of life being unpredictable, and you being super dumb.

  Aaron Sorkin

  Graduation, Mistake, Memorable

  Aaron Sorkin's Commencement Address at Syracuse University in Syracuse, New York, news.syr.edu. May 13, 2012.

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• Believe anything is possible and then work like hell to make it happen.

  Julianna Margulies

  Inspirational, Graduation, Believe

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• It's hard not to be afraid. Be less afraid.

  Susan Sontag

  Graduation, Hard

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• Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

  Stephen Colbert

  Inspirational, Graduation, Education

  "Top 10 Commencement Speeches: Best of All Time" by Meena Jang, www.hollywoodreporter.com. March 8, 2015.

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