Dark Sarcasm Quotes

• History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

  Abba Eban

  Funny, Sarcastic, War

  Speech in London, 16 Dec. 1970, in The Times 17 Dec. 1970

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• Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  Quoted in Albert B. Paine, Mark Twain: A Biography (1912)

  542 Copy quote

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• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  In Leo Rosten People I have Loved, Known or Admired (1970) "Groucho"

  82 Copy quote

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• Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sarcastic, Money

  Mark Twain (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations”, p.33, Courier Corporation

  128 Copy quote

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• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Death

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.61, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  70 Copy quote

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• Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Life, Sarcastic, Wisdom

  49 Copy quote

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  Alan Dundes

  Inspirational, Funny, Christmas

  2243 Copy quote

• If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

  Lawrence Ferlinghetti

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  148 Copy quote
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  Don't be humble... you're not that great.

  Golda Meir

  Sarcastic, Humble, Humility

  Quoted in N.Y. Times, 18 Mar. 1969

  118 Copy quote

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  I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.

  Clarence Darrow

  Life, Death, Sarcastic

  "The Story of My Life". Book by Clarence Darrow, 1932.

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• If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

  Charlie Pierce

  Funny, Sarcastic, Mother

  18 Copy quote

• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Sarcastic, Sarcasm, Feelings

  21 Copy quote

• Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

  Oscar Levant

  Funny, Sarcastic, Loneliness

  36 Copy quote
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  A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

  Emo Philips

  Funny, Motivational Sports, Humorous

  173 Copy quote

• I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Smile

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  115 Copy quote

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• I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Cute, Sarcastic

  56 Copy quote

• For every dark night, there is a brighter day.

  Harriet Morgan

  Tattoo, Uplifting, Rap

  47 Copy quote

• He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic

  "The Works of Oscar Wilde".

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• The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Sarcastic, Communication

  38 Copy quote

• A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

  Lawrence G. Lovasik

  Sarcastic, Honesty, Humility

  Lawrence G. Lovasik (1999). “The Hidden Power of Kindness: A Practical Handbook for Souls who Dare to Transform the World, One Deed at a Time”, p.163, Sophia Institute Press

  96 Copy quote

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• He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

  Victor Borge

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  65 Copy quote

• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  53 Copy quote

• How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?

  Roger Waters

  Meat, Pudding, Ifs

  Song: Another Brick in the Wall, Part II

  67 Copy quote

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• I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, "What I'm going to do if I grow up".

  Lenny Bruce

  Education, Growing Up, Humorous

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  31 Copy quote

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• For every single dark night there is a brighter day.

  Tupac Shakur

  Tattoo, Rap, Dark

  91 Copy quote