George Lopez Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen or Shackles. They don't do it to white people. You don't see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel... oh, nevermind.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Names

• I'm a big fan of reality shows. I thought the first one, Dukes of Hazzard, captured white people perfectly.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Reality, White

• Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Max

  TV series "George Lopez" ("Prototype"), 2002-2007.

• I can never do nothing in this house!

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, House

  Twitter post from Aug 9, 2013

• This is L.A. You wanna learn Spanish? Take the bus.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Bus

  "George Lopez". www.imdb.com. 2002 - 2007.

• One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Bags

  "George Lopez". www.imdb.com. 2002 - 2007.

• Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Presidential

• I'd shake his hand, but I think that's what's holding up his pants.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "George Lopez". www.imdb.com. 2002 - 2007.

• Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Sunday

• At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Mom, Humor

  "George Lopez". www.imdb.com. 2002 - 2007.

• We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Comedy

• As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Long

  "George Lopez". www.imdb.com. 2002 - 2007.

• Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!

  George Lopez

  Funny, Mom, Humor

  "George Lopez". TV Series, www.imdb.com. 2002-2007.

• Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Gum

• From now on, we're home schooling you. Whatever we don't know, you don't know. When did the Korean War start? I don't know, and neither do you!

  George Lopez

  Funny, War, Home

  "George Lopez". TV Series, m.imdb.com. 2002-2007.

• George: Why've you had a grudge against your brother for 15 years? Benny: We Lopezes are a proud people... George: You have a birthday lunch at Denny's every month. We're not that proud!

  George Lopez

  Funny, Brother, Humor

• When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said 'You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!'

  George Lopez

  Funny, Mom, Humor

• It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, White

• We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt!

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Boys

• No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Laughing So Hard

• Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Nice, Comedy

  "George Lopez Launching New Sitcom" by The Associated Press, www.foxnews.com. October 17, 2011.

• if you make waffles, throw out the first one.

  George Lopez

  Funny, Humor, Waffles

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