Kristen Schaal Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Baby, Humor

• He resisted for a while and there were some legal boundaries, you know, keeping me from being near him or his family, but in the end, love overcame. And I got what I wanted. I always get what I want.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Want

  "Fictional character: Mel". "Flight of the Conchords / New Fans", www.imdb.com. 2007.

• Mel: What was your name again? Rain: Rain. Mel: Oh that's nice. Kind of like bad weather.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Nice, Rain

• Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Stupid, Humor

• One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Responsibility

• You're looking good today Bret. Very hot... hotter than Jemaine. You have a refined bone structure, while Jemaine's facial features are too deep set to be classically handsome.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Handsome

• I wanted to make sure that my act was family friendly for tonight, but I don't have babies. So I thought that maybe I could pretend that I had babies and that way I could appeal to the people in the audience who have babies and to the people who like to pretend that they have babies.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Baby, Humor

• I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Loneliness, Humor

• As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Sex, Humor

• Oh man, the car could just burst into flames right now and this would be the way to go, huh guys?

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Men

• The torture that they are coming up with in China is so creative. They have this other method where they'll take a bamboo and they'll plant it in your anus and just let it grow. So patient. Man, watch out for China, I say. They have all the ambition as we do but none of the heart.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Heart, Ambition

• If you are feeling overly optimistic the Republican Candidates Debate is on.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Optimistic

• Mel: Does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me? Murray: A little, around the eyes. Mel: Oh yeah? Big eyes huh? Murray: Well... she's got eyes.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Girlfriend, Eye

• If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Moon

• At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Airplane, Humor

• A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Fighting

• Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Turkeys

• I'm just happy our nations are on the same page of keeping shitty reality TV on the air. Small world!

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Reality

• You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Two

• The first time I was on TV, on "Flight of the Conchords," someone put up a YouTube clip and said, 'You're too ugly to be on TV.' And I was like, 'That is exactly why it's a good thing that I'm on TV.'

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Ugly

• The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Airports

• If I'm having a fancy glass of champagne, I'll always mix it with the champagne of beers. Because I deserve all the champagnes.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Beer

• I mean if you two were to make love, that would be gay. Two men touching each other physically and emotionally...erotically caressing each other...on the hood of a car...or the back of a movie theater.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Mean

• This is very ambitious, but I don't care. I'm just gonna go ahead and find Amelia Earhart. Every day that goes by, I just fear the worst for her.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Ambitious

• Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

  Kristen Schaal

  Funny, Humor, Toenails

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