We don't seek the painful experiences that hew our identities, but we seek our identities in the wake of painful experiences. We cannot bear a pointless torment, but we can endure great pain if we believe that it's purposeful. Ease makes less of an impression on us than struggle. We could have been ourselves without our delights, but not without the misfortunes that drive our search for meaning. 'Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities,' St. Paul wrote in Second Corinthians, 'for when I am weak, then I am strong.'
Fixing is the illness model; acceptance is the identity model; which way any family goes reflects their assumptions and resources.
We don't seek the painful experiences that hew our identities, but we seek our identities in the wake of painful experiences.
Treating an identity as an illness invites real illness to make a braver stand.
Identity itself should be not a smug label or a gold medal but a revolution.
Your gender identity is who you are. Sexual identity is who you bounce that off of.
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