Tucker Max Quotes

Quotes about:

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  The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

  Tucker Max

  Temptation, Deep Thought, Wish

  Tucker Max (2011). “Assholes Finish First”, p.321, Simon and Schuster

  88 Copy quote

• Ladies, you may not realize this, understand this, or even believe this, but everything else we do is ultimately for you. Men don't do anything-create art, build businesses, donate to charity, invent things, or do anything noteworthy-for any reason other than to impress women, and thus get them to have sex with us. If women didn't exist, we'd still just be naked grunting apes living in caves. In a very real way, pussy is the key to human civilization. You don't have to like it, but it's a fact; if you understand it, you understand men.

  Tucker Max

  Art, Sex, Real

  40 Copy quote

• You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

  Tucker Max

  Girl, Emotional, Issues

  Tucker Max (2010). “Assholes Finish First”, p.310, Simon and Schuster

  30 Copy quote

• But here's the thing about being honest: All the liars HATE you for it, and most of the people in the world are liars. They lie to their bosses, they lie to their families, they lie to themselves, they lie so much they don't even know they're lying anymore. If you have the courage to be honest even a little bit all those people will hate you for it, because their lie is reflected in your honesty. Oscar Wilde wasn't kidding when he said, "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."

  Tucker Max

  Honesty, Lying, Hate

  29 Copy quote

• I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.

  Tucker Max

  People, Upset, Remember

  Twitter post from Oct 25, 2011

  22 Copy quote

• The meaning of life is to create meaning for your life.

  Tucker Max

  Meaning Of Life, Life Is

  8 Copy quote

• The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them

  Tucker Max

  Stories

  27 Copy quote

• Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.

  Tucker Max

  Men, People, Demand

  28 Copy quote

• Tell beautiful women they are smart, and smart women they are beautiful.

  Tucker Max

  Beautiful, Smart, Beautiful Women

  11 Copy quote

• I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.

  Tucker Max

  Real, Drama, Thinking

  Tucker Max (2012). “Hilarity Ensues”, p.108, Simon and Schuster

  27 Copy quote

• Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.

  Tucker Max

  People, Defense, Psychological

  16 Copy quote

• Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.

  Tucker Max

  Dumb, Sound, Answering Questions

  13 Copy quote

• You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.

  Tucker Max

  Couple, Cat, Night

  Tucker Max (2011). “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”, p.219, Citadel

  23 Copy quote

• No sheep wants to be first through the gate, but every sheep will be second.

  Tucker Max

  Sheep, Want, Firsts

  16 Copy quote

• Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.

  Tucker Max

  Opportunity, Obstacles, Ifs

  18 Copy quote

• And I’ve found that, what I now want the most in a woman is—I want a partner. I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other.

  Tucker Max

  Support, Care, Want

  23 Copy quote

• No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren't because you're trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Living the life you want to live is. It really is that simple.

  Tucker Max

  Live Life, Hypocrite, Simple

  Tucker Max (2011). “Assholes Finish First”, p.252, Simon and Schuster

  61 Copy quote

• I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.

  Tucker Max

  People, Laughing, Good Person

  22 Copy quote

• I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.

  Tucker Max

  Girl, Sex, Two

  Tucker Max (2011). “Assholes Finish First”, p.148, Simon and Schuster

  27 Copy quote

• If you want to be seen as courageous by some and hated by others, just say what you really think.

  Tucker Max

  Thinking, Want, Courageous

  13 Copy quote

• Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.

  Tucker Max

  Halloween, Alcohol, Heaven

  Tucker Max (2012). “Hilarity Ensues”, p.77, Simon and Schuster

  11 Copy quote

• I’ve heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a “professor

  Tucker Max

  Years, Thai, Professors

  15 Copy quote

• You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.

  Tucker Max

  Suicide, People, Looks

  Tucker Max (2012). “Sloppy Seconds: The Tucker Max Leftovers”, p.18, Blue Heeler Books

  12 Copy quote

• The rules your parents teach you to live by are very different than the rules the world actually runs by. Most of the conventional wisdom is not only wrong, it's a lie told to us by people who want to control us. It doesn't help us, it helps them. Pretty much everything we're told as children (and adults, really) by the established power structures in our lives are made up fairytales us to reinforce that control: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy, fat-free frozen dinners, religion, and metering lights on the highway--the list goes on

  Tucker Max

  Running, Easter, Children

  Tucker Max (2012). “Hilarity Ensues”, p.241, Simon and Schuster

  20 Copy quote

• The hardest lesson I've had to learn in my life is that my intelligence is inversely correlated to my humility. The more I thought I knew, the less I actually knew.

  Tucker Max

  Humility, Lessons, Life Is

  17 Copy quote

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