Deborah Tannen Quotes

Quotes about:

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  The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.

  Deborah Tannen

  Mistake, Believe, Communication

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  49 Copy quote

• Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication

  Deborah Tannen

  Communication, Males, Female

  Deborah Tannen (2013). “You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation”, p.42, Harper Collins

  25 Copy quote

• All communication is more or less cross-cultural. We learn to use language as we grow up, and growing up in different parts of the country, having different ethnic, religious, or class backgrounds, even just being male or female - all result in different ways of talking.

  Deborah Tannen

  Country, Religious, Growing Up

  Deborah Tannen (1986). “That's not what I meant!: how conversational style makes or breaks your relations with others”, William Morrow & Co

  7 Copy quote

• For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships.

  Deborah Tannen

  Connections, Way, Language

  69 Copy quote

• To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It's a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.

  Deborah Tannen

  Mean, Ideas, People

  11 Copy quote

• We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has

  Deborah Tannen

  Looks, Language, Realizing

  22 Copy quote

• Part of the reason images of women in positions of authority are marked by their gender is that the very notion of authority is associated with maleness.

  Deborah Tannen

  Reason, Gender, Authority

  30 Copy quote

• Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence. To survive in the world, we have to act in concert with others, but to survive as ourselves, rather than simply as cogs in a wheel, we have to act alone.

  Deborah Tannen

  Communication, Independence, Cogs

  Deborah Tannen (2013). “You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation”, p.27, Harper Collins

  90 Copy quote

• Many men honestly do not know what women want, and women honestly do not know why men find what they want so hard to comprehend and deliver.

  Deborah Tannen

  Men, Understanding, Want

  "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation". Book by Deborah Tannen, www.newyorker.com. 1990.

  22 Copy quote

• Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.

  Deborah Tannen

  Equal Treatment, People, Ifs

  6 Copy quote

• The argument culture urges us to approach the world - and the people in it - in an adversarial frame of mind. It rests on the assumption that opposition is the best way to get anything done: The best way to discuss an idea is to set up a debate; the best way to cover news is to find spokespeople who express the most extreme, polarized views and present them as 'both sides'; the best way to settle disputes is litigation that pits one party against the other; the best way to begin an essay is to attack someone; and the best way to show you're really thinking is to criticize.

  Deborah Tannen

  Party, Thinking, Ideas

  24 Copy quote

• Cooperation isn't the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict.

  Deborah Tannen

  Mean, Cooperation, Conflict

  18 Copy quote

• Like most men, my father is interested in action. And this is why he disappoints my mother when she tells him she doesn't feel well and he offers to take her to the doctor. He is focused on what he can do, whereas she wants sympathy.

  Deborah Tannen

  Mother, Father, Men

  16 Copy quote

• The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others.

  Deborah Tannen

  Keys, Understanding, Might

  6 Copy quote

• Words can be like weapons of destruction: It takes so much effort, and the cooperation of so many people, to build something - and so little effort of so few to tear it down.

  Deborah Tannen

  People, Effort, Tears

  Deborah Tannen (2012). “The Argument Culture: Moving from Debate to Dialogue”, p.82, Ballantine Books

  13 Copy quote

• In an ongoing relationship, each current criticism packs the punches of all the others that have gone before.

  Deborah Tannen

  Criticism, Gone, Ongoing

  Deborah Tannen (1986). “That's not what I meant!: how conversational style makes or breaks your relations with others”, William Morrow & Co

  4 Copy quote

• Though all humans need both intimacy and independence, women tend to focus on the first and men on the second. It is as if their lifeblood ran in different directions.

  Deborah Tannen

  Men, Focus, Independence

  Deborah Tannen (2013). “You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation”, p.26, Harper Collins

  4 Copy quote

• Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking.

  Deborah Tannen

  Responsibility, Thinking

  Deborah Tannen (1998). “The Argument Culture: Moving from Debate to Dialogue”, Random House Incorporated

  4 Copy quote

• The desire for freedom and independence becomes more of an issue for many men in relationships, whereas interdependence and connection become more of an issue for many women.

  Deborah Tannen

  Men, Issues, Independence

  Deborah Tannen (2013). “You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation”, p.40, Harper Collins

  18 Copy quote

• More men feel comfortable doing "public speaking," while more women feel comfortable doing "private" speaking.

  Deborah Tannen

  Men, Public Speaking, Feels

  17 Copy quote

• Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations.

  Deborah Tannen

  Communication, Life Is, Conversation

  Deborah Tannen (2013). “You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation”, p.13, Harper Collins

  7 Copy quote

• [T]he seeds of [the Argument Culture] can be found our classrooms, where a teacher will introduce an article or an idea . . . setting up debates where people learn not to listen to each other because they're so busy trying to win the debate.

  Deborah Tannen

  Teacher, Winning, Ideas

  4 Copy quote

• False dichotomies are often at the heart of discord.

  Deborah Tannen

  Heart, Discord, Dichotomy

  Deborah Tannen (1998). “The Argument Culture: Moving from Debate to Dialogue”, Random House Incorporated

  6 Copy quote

• If women are often frustrated because men do not respond to their troubles by offering matching troubles, men are often frustrated because women do.

  Deborah Tannen

  Frustration, Men, Offering

  13 Copy quote

• In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds.

  Deborah Tannen

  Mind, Doe, Smashing

  Deborah Tannen (2012). “The Argument Culture: Moving from Debate to Dialogue”, p.26, Ballantine Books

  6 Copy quote

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