Mike Royko Quotes

• It's much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.

  Mike Royko

  Helping Others, Hands, Giving

  Mike Royko (2014). “Mike Royko: The Chicago Tribune Collection 1984-1997”, p.2954, Agate Digital

  129 Copy quote

• It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway,' but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.

  Mike Royko

  Views, Bipolar, Lunatic Asylums

  46 Copy quote

• A Pessimist sees the glass as half empty; A Cub Fan wonders when it's gonna spill.

  Mike Royko

  Glasses, Fans, Half

  46 Copy quote

• Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.

  Mike Royko

  Optimistic, Ideas, Cheerful

  Mike Royko (2014). “Mike Royko: The Chicago Tribune Collection 1984-1997”, p.817, Agate Digital

  48 Copy quote

• Strict gun laws are about as effective as strict drug laws...It pains me to say this, but the NRA seems to be right: The cities and states that have the toughest gun laws have the most murder and mayhem.

  Mike Royko

  Pain, Gun, Law

  74 Copy quote

• If God dislikes gays so much, how come he picked Michelangelo, a known homosexual, to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling while assigning Anita Bryant to go on television and push orange juice?

  Mike Royko

  Gay, Orange, Ceilings

  44 Copy quote

• For some people, being free means being free to keep their feet on someone else's chest.

  Mike Royko

  Mean, Feet, People

  34 Copy quote

• Why do you think the lottery is so popular? Do you think anybody would play if the super payoff was a job on the night shift in a meat-packing plant? People play it so if they win they can be rich and idle. Like I told you years ago - if work is so good, how come they have to pay us to do it?

  Mike Royko

  Jobs, Night, Thinking

  33 Copy quote

• Newspapers, magazines and other publications have the constitutional right to be offensive, even disgusting. As evidence of that, just watch this space regularly.

  Mike Royko

  America, Space, Watches

  Mike Royko (2014). “Mike Royko: The Chicago Tribune Collection 1984-1997”, p.2366, Agate Digital

  44 Copy quote

• When I conducted a beer-rating session last year, I wrote that most American beers taste as if they were brewed through a horse. That offended many people in the American beer industry, as well as patriots who thought I was being subversive in praising foreign beers. I have just read a little-known study of American beers. So I must apologize to the horse. At least with a horse, we'd know what we're getting.

  Mike Royko

  Horse, Beer, Years

  38 Copy quote

• The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. It's an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.

  Mike Royko

  Cities, Criminals, Rehabilitation

  Mike Royko (2014). “Mike Royko: The Chicago Tribune Collection 1984-1997”, p.313, Agate Digital

  40 Copy quote

• God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.

  Mike Royko

  Country, Nuts, West

  22 Copy quote

• It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him.

  Mike Royko

  Running, Dog, Cities

  58 Copy quote

• Contrary to popular belief. It's much wiser to take money from the poor than the rich.

  Mike Royko

  Belief, Rich, Poor

  Mike Royko (1982). “Sez Who? Sez Me”, Dutton Adult

  34 Copy quote

• Anyone who gives a surgeon six thousand dollars for breast augmentation should give some thought to investing a little more in brain augmentation.

  Mike Royko

  Giving, Brain, Dollars

  35 Copy quote

• I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.

  Mike Royko

  Movie, Couple, Philosophy

  Mike Royko, Lois Wille (2000). “One More Time: The Best of Mike Royko”, p.120, University of Chicago Press

  16 Copy quote

• All that proves is that most of the world is too poor to build bowling alleys, golf courses, tennis courts and baseball fields. There's hundreds of millions of poor people out there who still ain't got indoor plumbing, but that don't mean there's something great about an outhouse. Soccer is boring. I've never seen a more boring sport.

  Mike Royko

  Soccer, Sports, Baseball

  30 Copy quote

• Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don't want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat's collar before cooking.

  Mike Royko

  Cat, Choices, Cooking

  Mike Royko (2001). “For the Love of Mike: More of the Best of Mike Royko”, p.13, University of Chicago Press

  17 Copy quote

• Reagan's approach will achieve one of the basic goals of the conservative: Things remain basically the same. The rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, or even a little poorer.

  Mike Royko

  Goal, Littles, Conservative

  23 Copy quote

• Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.

  Mike Royko

  Inspiring, Mothers Day, Baseball

  29 Copy quote

• In attacking the young, the liberal, and the black, Daley was in the mainstream of America's mass prejudices. The Democratic party may have suffered by his actions, but Daley came out...even more popular than before because bust their heads was the mood of the land and Daley had swung the biggest club.

  Mike Royko

  Party, Land, America

  23 Copy quote

• Hollywood has always been political. They consider it their right and duty to tell us what is politically good and right.

  Mike Royko

  Political, Hollywood, Duty

  18 Copy quote

• When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.

  Mike Royko

  Sports, Hero, Jordan

  Mike Royko (2014). “Mike Royko: The Chicago Tribune Collection 1984-1997”, p.2523, Agate Digital

  17 Copy quote

• Forty years ago, we were on the tail of the Front Page era. There was a different point of view. Reporters and editors were more forgiving of public people. They didn't think they had to stick someone in jail to make a career.

  Mike Royko

  Thinking, Views, Years

  "Chicago's Mike Royko, sharp-witted columnist, dies" by Lisa Price, www.cnn.com. April 29, 1997.

  19 Copy quote

• When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.

  Mike Royko

  Long, Driving, Said

  Mike Royko (2014). “Mike Royko: The Chicago Tribune Collection 1984-1997”, p.360, Agate Digital

  8 Copy quote

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