I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.
Every cripple has his own way of walking.
The English and Americans dislike only some Irish--the same Irish that the Irish themselves detest, Irish writers--the ones that think.
An author's first duty is to let down his country.
I'm a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.
One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves!
I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.
When two men fight over a woman it's the fight they want, not the woman.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.
A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles ... it takes your mind off the cost of living.
Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke
When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.
He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.
Most horror movies are certainly that.
I never felt so much at home as I do in New York. I must be a devil.
Prostitutes, more than any other profession, help keep American marriages together.
Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.
Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.
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