George Mikes Quotes

Quotes about:

• The man who is not afraid of danger is not a hero, but a psychopath.

  George Mikes

  Hero, Men, He Man

  50 Copy quote

• You can keep a dog: but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.

  George Mikes

  Dog, Cat, Animal

  35 Copy quote

• THE British are brave people. They can face anything, except reality.

  George Mikes

  Reality, People, Brave

  14 Copy quote

• The world still consists of two clearly divided groups: the English and the foreigners. One group consists of less than 50 million people; the other of 3,950 million. The latter group does not really count.

  George Mikes

  Two, People, Groups

  George Mikes (1986). “How to be a Brit: The Classic Bestselling Guide”, p.194, Penguin UK

  11 Copy quote

• An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.

  George Mikes

  Form, Queues, Englishmen

  'How to be an Alien' (1946) p. 44

  74 Copy quote

• It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not known, however, why this decision has not been carried out.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Humorous, America

  15 Copy quote

• Was he joking? Was he being sarcastic? Aggressive? Impertinent? Or just courteous? There was no telling from his impassive face. What a country, he thought despairingly. In Russia you always knew. If a man made a stern face he was threatening; if he was laughing uproariously, he was joking.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Sarcastic, Country

  4 Copy quote

• The English take everything with an exquisite sense of humour. They are only offended if you tell them that they have no sense of humour.

  George Mikes

  Language, Humour, Exquisite

  7 Copy quote

• Continental people have a sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Sex, Water Bottles

  How to Be an Alien (1946)

  7 Copy quote

• On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

  George Mikes

  Food, People, Cooking

  How to Be an Alien (1946)

  70 Copy quote

• Many Continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game.

  George Mikes

  Sports, Thinking, Cricket Match

  1946 How to be an Alien.

  22 Copy quote

• On the Continent there is one topic which should be avoided-the weather; in England, if you do not repeat the phrase "Lovely day, isn't it?" at least two hundred times a day, you are considered a bit dull.

  George Mikes

  Weather, Two, Lovely

  4 Copy quote

• A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat.

  George Mikes

  Dog, Cat

  21 Copy quote

• People on the Continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they hardly ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Dream, Lying

  6 Copy quote

• Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d) shoot, (e) poison, and, generally speaking, (f) how to grow up into a Wild West outlaw or gangster by the time you leave school.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Growing Up, Educational

  George Mikes (1986). “How to be a Brit: The Classic Bestselling Guide”, p.142, Penguin UK

  17 Copy quote

• English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists.

  George Mikes

  Strong, Monsters, Suspicion

  George Mikes (2016). “English Humour for Beginners”, p.7, Penguin UK

  5 Copy quote

• Travel' is the name of a modern disease which became rampant in themid-fifties and is still spreading. The disease - its scientific name is travelitis furiosus - is carried by a germ called prosperity.

  George Mikes

  Travel, Names, Disease

  11 Copy quote

• The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan, Italians in Yugoslavia and Hungarians in Czechoslovakia that they simply cannot give a thought to Negroes in the United States.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Humorous, Rights

  George Mikes (1959). “How to scrape skies: the United States explored, rediscovered and explained”

  11 Copy quote

• You must not refuse any additional cups of tea under the following circumstances: if it is hot; if it is cold; if you are tired; if anybody thinks that you might be tired; if you are nervous; if you are gay; before you go out; if you are out; if you have just returned home; if you feel like it; if you do not feel like it; if you have had no tea for some time; if you have just had a cup.

  George Mikes

  Home, Tired, Gay

  11 Copy quote

• The British suffer from a most unfortunate superiority complex - unjustified even under Victoria and most certainly hopelessly out-of-date today.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Humorous, Suffering

  16 Copy quote

• In Moscow they do not pay much attention to the living but keep their cemeteries in a splendid state.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Humorous, Russia

  11 Copy quote

• 'I don't say a Zionist must be insane,' said President Weizmann, 'but it helps if he is.'

  George Mikes

  Funny, Humorous, Israel

  George Mikes (1969). “The Prophet Motive: Israel Today and Tomorrow”

  8 Copy quote

• In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge; nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them.

  George Mikes

  Latin, People, Greek

  George Mikes (1986). “How to be a Brit: The Classic Bestselling Guide”, p.23, Penguin UK

  23 Copy quote

• There are many non-intellectual countries; Australia is one of the few anti-intellectual ones.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Country, Humor

  11 Copy quote

• Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.

  George Mikes

  Funny, Humor, Swimming

  7 Copy quote

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