Santa Quotes - Page 2

• What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

  Arlo Guthrie

  Funny Christmas, Humorous, Smoking

  7 Copy quote

• That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Christmas, People

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• The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Christmas, Tired

  87 Copy quote

• From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

  Katharine Whitehorn

  Funny, Christmas, Views

  9 Copy quote

• A good many things go around in the dark besides Santa Claus.

  Herbert Hoover

  Christmas, Dark, Political

  Address to the John Marshall Republican Club, St. Louis, Missouri, December 16, 1935.

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• Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Xmas, Past

  22 Copy quote

• Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

  Arlo Guthrie

  Funny, Christmas, Hair

  53 Copy quote

• Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.

  Gary Allan

  Christmas, Journey, Naughty

  Song: Let's Be Naughty

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• Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.

  Richard Lamm

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

  87 Copy quote

• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

  Shirley Temple

  Funny, Christmas, Mother

  Quoted in Leslie Halliwell, Halliwell's Filmgoer's Companion (1984)

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• What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

  Phyllis Diller

  Christmas, Jobs, Xmas

  54 Copy quote

• One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

  Andy Rooney

  Christmas, Xmas, Holiday

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• I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

  Bernard Manning

  Funny, Birthday, Christmas

  62 Copy quote

• I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

  Dick Gregory

  Christmas, Dark, White

  46 Copy quote

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Christmas, Wise

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Whenever you give someone a present or sing a holiday song, you're helping Santa Claus. To me, that's what Christmas is all about. Helping Santa Claus!

  Louis Sachar

  Song, Holiday, Giving

  Louis Sachar (2010). “Wayside School Gets A Little Stranger”, p.39, A&C Black

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• Nobody shoots at Santa Claus.

  Samuel Butler

  Santa Claus

  8 Copy quote

• Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.

  Oren Arnold

  Christmas, Xmas, Tolerance

  29 Copy quote

• The awkward moment when Santa accidentally leaves the price tag on your present.

  Eddy Sims

  Birthday, Price Tag, Awkward

  4 Copy quote

• The greatest thing is not to believe in Santa Claus; it is to be Santa Claus.

  Pat Boone

  Christmas, Believe, Santa Claus

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• You know, in a way, 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy... Perhaps something a little more intimate would be better... Something just a shade more friendly..." "How about 'Dear Fatty'?

  Charles M. Schulz

  Friendly, Would Be, Littles

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• Maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.

  Meg Ryan

  Song, Childhood, Joining

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• If I had a kid, I'd give him a name that would make everyone would want to say his name. I'd call him, Pizza-Pussy-Santa. I would! Cause everybody likes one of those things.

  Dave Attell

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  Studio album: "Skanks for the Memories", February 4, 2003.

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• God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.

  Bil Keane

  Happy Times, Earth, Santa Claus

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• I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Underneath the mistletoe last night. She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep; She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep. Then, I saw mommy tickle Santa Claus Underneath his beard so snowy white; Oh, what a laugh it would have been. If daddy had only seen. mommy kissing Santa Claus, last night.

  Jimmy Boyd

  Christmas, Kissing, Night

  Song: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

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