Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.
To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.
Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.
Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.
Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
To the eye of failure success is an accident.
Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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